UPDATE:

Added pictures to RODTRAVIS and REXDRIQUEZ.

BARKAVIUS and BARKEVIOUS

SOURCE:

'Barkavius' sounds like the kind of name you'd give to a character in an animated movie about the Roman Empire where all of the characters are played by dogs, like some kind of bizarre hybrid between 'Lady and The Tramp' and 'Gladiator'.

I wonder if he has a brother called 'Woofus Maximus' or something like that?

What he does have (asides from a criminal record and a nice shiner courtesy of 'the Po-po') is a namesake of sorts, called 'Barkevious', whose negronomenclature was dubbed so mirthworthy that Name Of The Year named him their 2009 champion.



What are the odds on that?

I'm giving both of them an 8.0 on the Negronometer. How soon before we see a 'Barackavius', I wonder?

QUERRONACEOSAM

SOURCE:

'Querronaceosam'. You have to feel pity for the newsreader who gets that come up on the teleprompter. Worse still, since 'Querronaceosam' was 'made good' as we say here at NU (negro-on-negro negrocide, so you can rest assured that 'it beez all whitey's fault'), some poor guy has to carve this negronomenclaturial monstrosity into a headstone.

People apparently just called him 'Querro', but I figure it would be quicker and easier if people just called him 'Sam'.

On second thoughts, it would probably have been a lot safer too...imagine if he misheard you and took it as a homophobic slight? Negro males get all bent out of shape when somebody suggests they are on the down low, yet most of them are simultaneously engaged in the sort of mindless larceny that will earn them a scholarship to NU, where single-sex communal showers and male-on-male rape are the daily norm. It's like Shakespeare said: 'I think the lady doth protest too much'.

It occurs to me that the phenomenon of Negronomology may in fact aid Negroes in the comission of felonious acts or providing false ID to the relevant authorities in attempts to scam various programs. In certain areas, I'm sure the cops wouldn't bat an eyelid if a negro told them that their name was 'La'Quazeriffioncius Jackson'.

Indeed, Negronomology can be viewed as part of a group evolutionary strategy designed to facilitate the use of false ID by simply counteracting the natural suspicion on the part of the relevant official. Said official may think that 'Sha'dontravius Jefferson' sounds like a hokey, made up name that they've just come up with on the spot, but those subjected to repeated exposure to Maury Povich paternity test shows will have their natural suspicion counterbalanced by the recollection that 'negroes do give their offspring bizarre and laughable names'.

Fortunately, said strategy and any intended advantage afforded thereby is completely nullified by the fact that whatever pseudo-African-Americanese moniker they decide to give themselves, they are still black, and that's one cause for suspicion that cannot be so easily neutralised, despite the best efforts of the mainstream media propaganda machine. Michael Jackson may have tried his darndest, but his efforts ultimately proved futile. A leopard can't change its' spots, and a negro, whether called 'Reggie' or 'Jarvontisse', is still a negro. As the old saying goes, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. The negronomological equivalent is the same in spirit, albeit it decidedly less flattering to the subject, as one might readily expect.

There's really not much you can add to a name like this...it says everything you could possibly want to say all by itself, just by the fact of its mere existence.

It's a stone-cold, undisputed 10.0 on the Negronometer, no question, and our first Q name to boot.

JANZEN and NU'KEESE

Janzen

Nu'keese

SOURCE

What is it about negroes and criminality? It's like one of nature's immutable laws.

Suffice to say, it looks like these two future rocket scientists will be trading in their full ride athletic scholarships for full ride scholarships at NU.

At the end of the day, I can't help but get the feeling that this is all whitey's fault. If only some rich white family had adopted them like in that Sandra Bullock movie, then everything would have been just fine. They would probably be formulating cures for HIV and AIDS as we speak, but alas it appears that the white man is hellbent on keeping them down.

From a negronomological perspective, 'Janzen' is extremely disappointing, seeming to be little more than a jazzed-up version of 'Janson' or some such similar pre-existing name. As such, it merits only a 3.0 on the Negronometer.

'Nu'keese', on the other hand, is what we here in the negronomology faculty at NU call 'black gold'. You simply can't beat a name like 'Nu'keese', unless your name is something like 'Zsvontario'. It ticks all the boxes...superfluous apostrophe and all.
'Nu'keese' is getting an 8.5 on the Negronometer.

RODTRAVIS DONTA & REXDRIQUEZ CORTEZ

Rodtravis

Rexdriquez


SOURCE(via Chicago Avenger at Chimpout)

"Rodtravis" strikes me as another "covering all the babbydaddy bases" name. If this trend isn't stamped out soon, we will see Negronomes the length of telephone directories...think about those sows that go on Maury and have to test 20 guys (all of whom they are '250,000% sure' is da babbydaddy), and imagine poor Maury having to try and remember the name of their spawn when it's called "LaTreshawnomarionunezsvontariovarianookiedawgthatguyifuckedatdamariospartylastweekeyonte".

The again, maybe they couldn't decide between the two names and decided to conjoin them, rather than having one or both as a middle name, as that would be too logical.
Instead, he got "Donta" as a middle name.

"Rodtravis" gets a 5.0 on the Negronometer...it's just too perfunctory and obvious.

"Rexdriquez", on the other hand, is a Scrabble player's dream. What kind of a score could you get for that (if it was in fact a real word)? The middle name of "Cortez" leads me to believe "Rexdriquez"'s momma had eaten Mexican food shortly prior to his birth (possibly as an aid to passing him?) and this was thus reflected in his name. If we can just find a Negress called "LaTacoBelle Jefferson" or some such, I feel my theory will have been partially proven.

I'm giving "Rexdriquez" a 5.5, just for the inherent stupidity value.

JAKARIS, AVION & MASTERSON

SOURCE

'Jakaris' just gone and got himself a lifetime full-ride scholarship to NU, majoring in Applied Negritude. He's going to 'held back a year' every year, for the rest of his life, until he is made 'good'.

I'm not a mathematician or economics buff, but surely it would be cheaper just to have Jakaris and his pals made 'good' straight away?

'Jakaris' can have a 5.5 on the Negronometer. It does the job, but not much more.

'Avion' is French for 'Aeroplane', which is ironic, because 'Avion' himself sung like a bird and got his homies those all-important NU scholarships. Seems like he was more interested in walking than flying, and thus embraced the stoolie mantra 'those who talk, walk'.

'Avion' gets a 5.5 too...the addition of a D or L with an apostrophe could have made all the difference.

Finally, we have 'Masterson', who be da 'babydaddy' of one of these fine young NU freshman. Reading his testimony to the court, one gains a startling new insight into the 'absent negro father' phenomenon and the logic behind it.

'Masterson' asserts he left his kids because he was doing crack cocaine at the time and didn't want them to be around him (cynics may suggest it was in fact the exact opposite...he just didn't want to be around them) or be a bad influece on them.

It's an interesting sociological hypothesis...deprived of a Negro role model from which to learn behaviors from, will Negroes be more or less inclined to Negritude or 'TNB'?

Well, if you believe that taking a baby fox away from parental influence and putting it in a hen house will result in it clucking, pecking grain and laying eggs, then yes.

If, on the other hand, you believe the fox will revert to type and you will have a whole bunch of dead chickens, then the answer is a resounding 'No!'.

Unfortunately, despite ample evidence to the contrary, the 'Masterson Poindexter Theory' is still embraced by various liberals around the globe.

'Masterson' gets a 6.5 on the Negronometer. It's not a particular outstanding example, but the fact that his name is attached to one of the key theorems of Negronomology makes it significant.

MIKKA SHARDAI

SOURCE

Mikka tried to steal a ball from a wheelchair-bound disabled kid 10 years her junior, but when her demands of 'Gibs me dat!' were met with resistance, she resorted to violence, striking the kid on his surgically-attached neck halo and causing him immense pain.

You try and understand the thought process behind such an act, and then you realise that there is no thought process. It's just TNB.

You really can't make stuff like this up. Beating up kids in wheelchairs. That ball must have been totally worth it.

Here's hoping she gets a full-ride scholarship to NU.

Mikka gets a 4.0 on the Negronometer simply because it's kind of bland. It doesn't have the sort of 'out there' quality that the best Negronoms have in spades, no pun intended.

By the way, is it just me, or does she totally look like Ice Cube sans facial hair?

KEYON and KANYE

SOURCE

Wow, what a week. Not only does the Negronomicon get to make our first ever entry under 'K', but we get a double-banger with two noteworthy Negronoms beginning with 'K' popping up within days of each other!

First up is "Keyon", whose not so much a career criminal (if my studies in the field of Negronomology have taught me anything, it's that careers and Negronomenclature don't mix) as he is a serial screw-up.

Being out on parole, you'd think "Keyon" would want to play it cool and keep a low profile, stay out of trouble, stuff like that, but alas he was unable to resist the temptation to shoot a 5 year old little girl in the face. Stuff like that tends to get picked up on by the authorities, apparently.

Good luck to his attorney, but I really think he's going to be spitting in the wind on this one.

His full name is an anagram of "I'm Monkey Snot", by the way, which is appropriate on so many levels that it is uncanny.

As it is, "Keyon" is getting a 5.5 on the Negronometer, purely because it's a pretty average Negronome when all is said and done but I have to give him a bonus point for the anagram value alone.




Next up is "Kanye". I'd call "Kanye" a complete and utter tool, but that would be untrue as tools actually serve some useful purpose. As you may have guessed, "Kanye" is a huge fan of the movie "Alien Nation".



Oddly enough, Viacom have pulled both his most recent display of idiocy with Taylor Swift AND his previous interruption of the EMAs in Denmark off of Youtube. Why don't they want the world to see what a moron "Kanye" is? Why are they protecting him?


"Gibs Me Dat!"


Fortunately, they don't own the copyright to THIS footage from the EMAs. Enjoy!



Oddly enough, he's never pulled this stunt when a black artist wins an award. Or an artist that would present a physical threat to him. Just on video directors and 19 year old girls. He's straight gangsta, yo!

Actually, on second thoughts, he's just gangsta...I'm not so sure about the straight. The jury has got to be well and truly out on any guy who dates "women" that make Caster Semanya look feminine. Even his name is African-Americanese for "Gay Fish".



I'm going to have to give "Kanye" a 11.0, because we all know how badly he takes losing out to others, even if they are more deserving. Pea-brained twerp probably thinks that 'Magnanimous' is that guy the X-Men are always fighting against.

DEANGELO

SOURCE

Do I actually need to say anything here? "Deangelo" is a fairly common Negronom, and it's disappointing to see that his mother couldn't be bothered to go the extra mile and 'Pull a LeVar' or add a needless apostrophe.

Still, the picture alone is worth a thousand words, plus the combination of mental retardation (just look at the picture!) and latent homicidal impulses it takes to shoot your baseball coach for benching you all adds up to a healthy 7.0 on the trusty Negronometer.

Just look at that picture. Damn.

STEPHFON

SOURCE

Imagine if some crazy mad scientist invented a machine that Negronomified pre-existing names. If you put "Stephen" or "Stefan" into this hypothetical "Negronominizer" device, I'm pretty sure "Stephfon" is what would emerge. It's like that movie "The Fly", only with Negronomenclature as opposed to a fly.

As you can see, "Stephfon" wears glasses, which means he's an intellectual brotha, or at least likes to think that he is/appear that way. Sadly, if you read the report, you can see he's hardly rocket scientist material, but instead the sort of material scientists should put into a rocket and shoot off to some faraway planet away from the rest of humanity.

I'm giving "Stephfon" a 6.5 on the Negronometer simply for the pure needlessness of the Negronominalization. You've already got the "F" sound from the preceding "PH", so why add the utterly superfluous "F"? Simple...because you can!

LEGARRETTE

"LeGarrette" shows all the hallmarks of cutting-edge Negronomographic invention. Take a perfectly good, pre-existing whitebread name like "Garrett", add a superfluous "Le", then "Pull a LeVar" with the arbitrary capitalization, then round it all off by adding a completely needless "E" to the end, just to make it that little bit more distinctive.



It's hard to say exactly what "LeGarette" is African-Americanese for...there are so many things it could apply to, like being a bad loser, being a sucker punching little faggot, or throwing a Category 5 Chimpout at the opposing fans. Or, as was the case with our "LeGarrette", all three at once!

I'm clocking "LeGarrette" at a solid 5.0 on the Negronometer. I had to dock points because his middle name is "Montez".

DEANDRE JAVONT, DEMARCUS ANTWAIN, JIMMON LEEDARRENTE AND LAZARO

SOURCE



"Deandre" is your common-or-garden negronomenclature, whereby the adding of a totally superfluous La/Le/Da/De prefix to a pre-existing name gives it that extra little touch of Negronomical creativity, like "Dejohn" or "Latanya". Of course, points must be deducted for the failure to 'pull a LeVar' or add an apostrophe for "DeAndre" or "De'andre".

Still, his momma has made up for this Negronomical faux pas by pulling out a doozy for the middle name with "Javont". "Javont" is one of these totally sui generis Negronomes which has no meaning other than to signify to people reading the newspaper that the owner of said name is African-American.

One thing I will say about "Deandre"...I don't know if he can play bass, but he sure does a passable impression of one! That guy's head must be at least 20% lip!

Deandre gets a 3.5 on the Negronometer.



Much the same can be said for our second contestant "Demarcus", which covers much the same ground as "Deandre". However, "Demarcus" trumps "Deandre" in the middle name stakes as he drops the bomb with "Antwain". It's just like "Antoine", which is often Negronomicized to something like "Antwan" or "Antwon(e)", yet I believe the the pronounciation is probably nearer to "An-twayne". It's clearly a creative masterstroke in the field of Negronomology as we know it.

I'm giving him a 4.5



Both "Demarcus" and "Deandre" pale in comparison to our third contestant, "Jimmon Leedarrente". First off the bat, "Jimmon" is another totally nonsensical negronome just like "Javont". It sounds like one of those stupid "Sh'mon" noises Michael Jackson used to make, back when he was alive. Seriously, grab your balls, but on a sequinned gloved and try it..."Jimmon! Hee-Heee! Ow!".

Again, it's in the middle name where the money is. "Leedarrente". Just pause for a second and ponder the awesome and transcendant negronomicality of this name.

I'm guessing that the "Lee" part isn't intended as a superfluous "Le" with an extra "E" added for creativity, but I could be wrong. My hypothesis, as an avid amateur Negronomologist, is that "Jimmon" was the subject of what's known as "Baby Mama Drama", and his mother decided to err on the side of caution and give him a name that referenced both of the potential babydaddies, namely "Lee" and "Darren". Where the "Te" part comes in, I don't know. Perhaps a third possible babyfather? Or just a trademark Negronomical flourish to give the name that little something extra?

I'll guess we'll never know, and to be honest, I can't say I'm that bothered about finding out.

"Jimmon Leedarrente" is a solid 9.0 on my Negronometer.

Last but not least, we have "Lazaro", the middle name of the poor unforunate victim of the above Negronomically-blessed individuals. "Lazaro" brings to mind the story of "Lazarus", but as far as I am aware, this guy hasn't come back from the dead yet. Indeed, if he did, they'd probably have to release these guys from prison, so it's probably best for society at large that he stays dead and buried.

One dead and a bunch in prison sounds like a fair enough trade to me, but one in prison and a bunch of 'em in the grave would make better fiscal sense in the long term. Funerals are generally cheaper than long-term prison sentences, after all.

DONESSA

SOURCE

"Donessa" fell foul of the wrath of three scorned mudsharks. They superglued his dick to his belly. That's just asking for the "Nicole Simpson" treatment.

Fortunately, "Donessa" already has a girly-sounding name, so if they have to amputate, he'll be all set.

"Donessa" gets a 3.5 on the Negronometer. Part of me feels sympathy for him, because I know that a girly-man name like "Donessa" is the kind that would attract a lot of teasing at school. Fortunately, the other part of me knows he probably never went to school anyway, so it's a dead issue.

"Donessa" is also a child molester...maybe they glued his dick to his belly to protect local kids? That's what I'd be telling the judge, anyhow...

TRAVARIS

SOURCE

"Travaris" is African-Americanese for vehicular homicide.

"Travaris" gets a 5.0 on the Negronometer. As soon as you see the name, you know he's black. That's how we like it.

TYKEZA, MONISHA, TI'ESHIA, OMIR, JAMAIYAH, and TA'MARION

My God...it's Negronomenclature Nirvana up in this joint!!!

This gets a 10.0 cumulative score...you simply can't top stuff like this.

BOUBACAR and CARNELL

SOURCE

"Boubacar" is a proper African name, but it just sounds so funny. I'm giving it a 3.0


"Carnell" is an African-Americanese original, kind of like Negronomicon standout and erstwhile horse buggerer "Rodell". I'm giving "Carnell" a 4.5 for the same reason I gave "Rodell that score.

"Carnell" didn't have sex with a horse. Neither did "Boubacar" (that we know of...I wouldn't put it past either of them, to be honest). However, they did kill some people, so they're off to prison. Oddly enough, it's not going to be a new experience for either of them.

OMARRIAN

SOURCE

"Omarrian" is a pretty good one. It's like his folks wanted a traditional North African name like "Omar" but then couldn't resist the urge to "Negronomify" it.

Sadly, like his impulse-control deficient parents before him, it seems "Omarrian" likewise couldn't resist his urges (to murder and rob people), so he's now rotting in jail.

"Omarrian" gets a 4.5 as it just seems a little bit run of the mill in terms of Negronomenclaturic creativity.

TERRIFFIC

SOURCE

Okay, I'm stretching the rules here because "Terriffic" is his middle name, but what a great middle name it is.

Even better, they couldn't even spell it correctly!

"Terriffic" gets a 5.0 because it's not outlandishly creative, but it is incredibly stupid.

HASSIAN

SOURCE

"Hassian" AKA "Hassan Shakur" went out in a hail of bullets just like that other "Shakur" guy.

The fact that "Hassian" sought to Islamicize his name tells me he wasn't down with what The Negronomicon stands for. Having said that, at least The Negronomicon is still standing, and indeed still able to stand. "Hassian" isn't doing too well on that front, apparently.

"Hassian" gets a 1.5 on the Negronometer.

SENECA

SOURCE

"Seneca" is apparently Native American in origin, but it was also the name of Roman Emperor Nero's tutor, around the time Christ walked the Earth. Now it's an African-American name too.

It's kind of ironic, not to mention downright spooky, that "Seneca" is off to jail because he murdered a lady who was Indian (dots not feathers...a tenuous connection, I know, but stick with it!), and did so by stabbing her in the back multiple times, which is the same way Roman Emperor Caesar got punked out. It seems those who skip history are doomed to repeat it...sort of.

"Seneca" is getting a 0.0 on the Negronometer because two cultures had already beaten his parents to it, and thus it's hardly a very inventive name. Plus stabbing a middle-aged woman in the back must be the ultimate bitch move.

From a purely Negronomological perspective, it's interesting to chart this new trend in Latin/Roman influenced names, what with "Seneca" here and previous Negronomicon standout "Octavius". How soon before I am writing an entry in The Big Black Book for someone called "D'Cimus Maxxximus"?

ZSVONTARIO

SOURCE

"Zsvontario" is going to take some beating. It is quite possibly one of the most outstanding examples of negronomenclature I have ever witnessed and indeed shall ever witness. Simply breathtaking. He may very well be the only "Zsvontario" walking the face of the Earth. I can't believe two different sets of parents could come up with a name like that, not even in an infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters hypothetical scenario. It is nothing short of incredible.

Had he not copped a 45 year sentence for fatally shooting someone, we might never have heard of him. Such are the margins.

"Zsvontario" is getting a 9.5, 0.5 deducted because "Ontario" is a pre-existing name, but the addition of "Zsv" certainly puts a whole new spin on it. Had his parents just gone with a "La/Da" prefix, I truly believe this one could have gone off the scale.

Take note, people...this is how it's done for real. Now, who's going to name their child "Da'Montrealius"?

TELIA, SHARDAE, and SHOLONDA

This is the ELEVENTH guy they paternity tested to find out 'who beez ma baby daddy?'.

When you stop to think about it, it's pretty easy for the person in the street to figure out the rough date of conception to within a couple of days or so either side (let's be generous and say a week in total). Which then beggars the question as to exactly how many guys she was having unprotected sex with within that timeframe for there to be this many possible fathers?

"Telia" gets a 5.5 because she's a stank ho but she gave her babydaddy-less baby the pleasingly negronomical name "Shardae"

Of course, as shocking as this may seem, they have had a ho on the Maury show who tested 17 different guys.



Again, if 17 failed the test, that means she slept with at least 18 guys within the timeframe. "Sholonda" must have been banging multiple guys on the same day!

"Sholonda" gets a 4.0 because she named her babydaddy-less baby 'Kayla', which is far too mundane. Perhaps she thought a less negronomical name might help to prevent her her daughter from making the same mistakes she made? I sincerely doubt it...if you're that much of a failure as a human being, then it stands to reason you're not going to be much of a parent either.

CORTEZ

SOURCE

"Cortez" comes from Spanish (meaning it's another lame cop-out name like Antonio, Ricardo I and Ricardo II) and can mean either 'courteous' or 'court dweller'.

Something tells me our "Cortez" is the latter type. After he gets done dwelling at the court, he'll then go on and dwell at the nearest jail for a few decades.

"Cortez" gets a flat out 0.0 on the negronometer. Stealing Spanish names hardly requires any skill, finesse or creativity, does it?

OCTAVIUS

SOURCE

"Octavius" originates from Latin and means "the eighth". I kind of get the feeling that "Octavius" would have been buying an eighth (of an ounce) of something improper had he succeeded in his nefarious scheme.

Sadly, he got capped by the homeowner.

You have to wonder whether "Octavius" really has (at least) 7 other siblings, or whether his parents gave him the name "Octavius" because, like the Crazy 88 in 'Kill Bill' (who don't actually have 88 members), they thought it sounded 'cool'. You know, like a conquering Roman emperor and all that.

Indeed, if he does have 7 siblings, what are the odds they all share the same father? Slim to none would be my guess!

I'm giving "Octavius" a 1.25, as something like "Octavion" would have been so much cooler, plus on a 10 point scale, 1.25 is an eighth. How's that for appropriateness?

DAUNTE

SOURCE

It is absolutely spooky, I tell you!

After examining the previous sad cases of Dionta and Deonte, and arriving at my universal theory and formula for automobile-related negroid larceny, I now bring you the sad story of "Daunte", another name from the exact same genus as both Dionta and Deonte.

Let us examine the facts:

1) Negro. Check
2) Name variation. Check
3) Automobile related (Car park). Check
4) Criminal shenanigans (The Police already had a mugshot of him). Check
5) Morgue or Jail (Morgue). Check

Again, my formula has been proven to be 100% correct. It's nothing short of uncanny!

Remember: n(d)+c+a=FAIL
(n=negro, d=deontay or variation thereof, c=criminal activity, a=automobile, FAIL=death or incarceration)

"Daunte" gets a 5.0 just for proving my theory. Who's next?

ARSSEI

SOURCE

"Arssei" has extenuating circumstances for his name...he actually is from Africa (Ethiopia, to be precise). Man, I bet Bob Geldof is feeling so proud right now. If it wasn't for Live Aid, "Arssei" might have died from malnutrition or disease before he ever got the chance to come to a civilized country and murder a white girl.

Sadly, he didn't have any extenuating circumstances to explain away the murder of Natalie Novak, and thus another brother is condemned to rot in jail.

I blame whitey.

"Arssei" gets a 0.0 because murdering white women isn't cool. Keep him in mind next time they're rattling the collection tin for starving Africans.

ARMANI

Maury Povich paternity test shows provide a rch and diverse source of non-traditional negro nomenclature (or "NNN" as we call it here at The Negronomicon), so much so that at certain times it is like shooting fish in a barrel.

"Armani" is getting a flat out 0.0 score, simply because it accurately reflects the time and effort that went into naming him. "Armani"(and sound-alike variations thereof) seems to be a popular choice with the kind of bottom-feeders who inevitably end up on these shows. How long until one of them breaks the mold and calls their kid "Vuitton"?

LATARIAN and VIKKITA

Strike One:



Strike Two:



Strike Three:



Strike Four:



It's a bonafide twofer here with two members of the same family. "Vikkita" sounds like a combination of "Vikki"(a shortened form of "Victoria"), which is Latin for "Victory" and "Nikita", which originates from the Greek language and means "Unconquered".

Sadly, it seems the unconquered and victorious "Vikkita" was thoroughly defeated and conquered by her seven year old grandson "Latarian", because she stood in the way of him and the negro ambrosia, A.K.A. fried chicken.

"Latarian" doesn't sound like anything else, except maybe a Toyota coupe that never made it off the drawing board. For a seven year old, young "Latarian" is racking up an impressive record...grand theft auto, assault, psychological evaluations. Lord help us if he ever manages to lay his chubby little hands on a working firearm.



I'm going to give them a cumulative score of 10.0 between them, as this is exactly the sort of thing The Negronomicon was set up to study

RICARDO II: NEGRO BOOGALOO

SOURCE

Another negro called "Ricardo", and another one that's off to jail. What an incredible coincidence!

If you look carefully at the above picture, you can see that "Ricardo" is wearing a glove to handle the firearm and thus leave no fingerprints, so there's absolutely no way for the police to connect him to the firearm.

Other than the photo which clearly shows both a) him handling the firearm and b) his face, that is.

It's like one of those '/fail' or 'Demotivators' pictures that are doing the rounds, only it needs no caption to explain the inherent irony and outright stupidity contained therein.

Again, just like the previous "Ricardo", this one's getting a 0.0 too.

DEONTE

SOURCE

"Deonte" is from the same genus of names as earlier Negronomicon standout "Dionta".

From reading the sad, sad stories of these two fine upstanding gentlemen, a pattern has become apparent which I have boiled down into this handy formula:

Negroes called "Deonte"(or variations of the name thereof) + criminal activity + automobiles = One way ticket to the County Morgue/Jail.

or:

N(D) + C + A = FAIL

So remember, if some guy called Diontae offers you a ride, just say "NO!"

I'm giving "Deonte" a 0.5, although I should point out that I have deducted points for the fact that a) he carjacked a 91 year old b) he had to hit said 91 year old 21 times c) he's crying like a little girl about how scared he is in prison.



In terms of gangsta street cred, struggling to physically dominate a frail nonagenarian must score some serious rep. Not.

Credit where credit is due though, "Deonte" must have seriously rung that old guy's bell, because in the video you can see he is still clearly suffering from the effects of the beating, at one point becoming delusional and suggesting (as if it were somehow a remotely realistic possibility) that "Deonte" go to school, get a job, learn a trade and 'work for a living'. I've seen people tripping balls on LSD spew out acid-addled gibberish that still made more sense than what he's saying.

Negroes. School. Jobs. Work?! Utter madness, I tell you!

Quite clearly, "Deonte" is African-Americanese for "limp-wristed little pussy". One thing is for sure, he'll make a handsome wife or "prison bitch" for some lucky man...or men. Perhaps other inmates, having heard of his less-than-legendary prowess, will be curious as to whether he will be able to "make the old man go down" in 21 blows or less? Something tells me our boy is going to get ample opportunity to find out!

RODELL

SOURCE

"Rodell" is apparently African-Americanese for "horse molester".

I'm giving "Rodell" a 4.5, as whilst it's not the most out-there name in terms of creativity, it's the kind that lets you successfully guess the ethnicity of offender in a newspaper article when they don't show pictures of the offender, thus circumventing the politically-correct MSM trick of showing the victim instead of the perpetrator, just like the above article. That's why we love those unique and utterly distinct black names here at The Negronomicon!

ORENTHAL

Apparently, "Orenthal" is a Hebrew expression meaning "pine tree".

It's also an anagram of "...Then Oral", which is probably a very significant phrase in O.J.'s daily prison life, most likely heard directly after the demand for "Anal...".

I'm giving "Orenthal" a 4.0. Something like "L'Orenthalius" would have been so much better. All it takes is a little effort, people!

TIMON

SOURCE

It's like "Simon" with a "T".

Or is it like "Timothy" with an "n" instead of a "thy"?

Maybe in an alternative reality, he would have been called 'Simothy' or something?

Again, throw in a "La" or pull a "LeVar" and you could jazz this up to a more snappy-sounding "LaTimon".

As it is, "Timon" sounds like "Tie 'Em On", which in turn sounds like something the relatives of the guy he killed would like to do to Timon's limbs...tie 'em on to the back of a pick-up truck and put the pedal to the metal over some country backroads.

Sorry, but this is another 0.0 on the creativity-o-meter for me.

HARRIS FAULKNER

It's like he's got two first names, and she's got two surnames. Between them, they could make two normal-sounding names, like "Jon Harris" and "Scott Faulkner"

I used to think that the retarded trend of giving your child a first name that sounds like a surname was limited strictly to only the most pretentiously-preppy parents out there, but lo and behold, it seems black folk are succumbing to the lunacy too.

Harris would be a halfway passable name for a guy (still pretentious), but for a girl? Surely you'd want to give your daughter something evocative, mellifluous and altogether feminine, rather than saddling her with a moniker that makes her sound like either a brokerage house, insurance company, investment bank, law firm or upscale department store?

Harris Faulkner, Faulkner Harris, Anderson Cooper, Cooper Anderson, Harris Anderson, Anderson Harris...it's just so random and interchangable. Who here hangs out with people with names like Goldman Sachs, Price Waterhouse-Cooper, Neiman Marcus, Guthy Renker? Or Sachs Goldman, Cooper Waterhouse-Price, etc, for that matter?

This is another 0.0 strikeout in terms of creativity. Come on, how much better would 'Shaniqua Faulkner' sound?

RICARDO

SOURCE

First it's "Antonio", now it's "Ricardo". What's with all the Latin-influenced names all of a sudden? Will the trend suddenly change at some point in the near future and result in a swathe of black people called "Yoshihiro" and "Takeshi"?

Like "Antonio Chance", "Ricardo" also murdered a white woman (or "mudshark" as all the cool kids are calling 'em). Unlike "Antonio Chance, he's yet to score the retarded rapper stage name tribute, but it's only a matter of time, I feel. Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't buy a CD from a guy calling himself "Ricardo Da White Ho Killa"?

Still, it's the name we're most concerned with here, and I'm sorry but this is another 0.0 on the creativity-o-meter. Must try harder, dammit!

ANTONIO CHANCE

SOURCE

First things first: As African-American names go, "Antonio" is a cop-out for people who kind of want a name like "Anthony" but want it to end in a vowel, which seems to be one of the recurring themes or "rules". It's much like Scrabble in that respect, only requiring much less intelligence to play. God alone knows how many points the utterly superfluous apostrophe or "LeVar" arbitrary capitalization is worth in this hypothetical word-game.

Anyhow, turns out there are in fact two guys named "Antonio Chance" out there. One of them (the murderer who killed Cynthia Moreland) has been certified as mentally retarded, whereas the other one (the rapper) is just plain retarded (although as yet uncertified to that end) for adopting the name of a retarded murderer in the sadly mistaken belief that it is in fact "edgy" or "cool", and that by extension he will thus be so to.



Mere coincidence, perhaps? What are the "Chances" of that, I wonder?

Well, it's no coincidence that they're both scoring 0.0

VORNELIUS

SOURCE

Well, what can you say? "Vornelius" is just like "Cornelius" with a "V" instead of a "C". It's hardly indicative of the sort of the customary creative flair and characteristic inventiveness of the sort of African-American nomenclature that we've become somewhat accustomed to.

Maybe it's supposed to be a combination of "Vaughn/Vaughan" which means "little" in Welsh and the Latin-originated name "Cornelius" which means "Horn"?

Hmmm...you know, if your folks gave you a name that meant 'little horn', and knowing the kind of sexual inadequacy-related jokes that you would most certainly be the inevitable butt of, you could almost understand why Vornelius got so pissed off that he had to kill one person and attempt to kill another.

Almost.

Alternatively, it could have been the uncomfortably close proximity of his own name to that of the character "Cornelius" played by Roddy McDowall in Planet Of The Apes that set him off...

...black people generally hate being compared to apes, but you'd have to say this guy's parents were totally asking for it. Short of calling him General Ursus or King Kong, there's not much more they could have done.

This, coupled with the small-penis-suggestiveness of his name's meaning, could possibly go some way as to explaining why he became the seething mass of pent-up homicidal rage that he did.

Possibly.

Anyway, to recap:

1) Don't give your offspring a name which suggests sexual inadequacy
2) Don't give your offspring a name which recalls a popular simian character

I'm giving Vornelius a 3.5, as despite being resoundingly unimaginative, the (hopefully) unintentional belly laughs provided by this one certainly pushes it up a few notches. Heck, if they'd added the prefix 'La', I might have even given them a 4.0

By the way, 'Little Horn' apparently has some sort of Biblical/Satanic significance too...now that is downright spooky!

Literally.

CHEYENNE

SOURCE

As creative African-American names go, "Cheyenne" is an epic fail.

As a name in and of itself, "Cheyenne Cherry" is both stupid and alliterative, meaning it sounds like the alter-ego Stan Lee might give to one of his lamer characters. It also brings to mind some sort of retarded ice-cream flavor that Ben & Jerry might try to foist upon an unsuspecting American public.

Frankly, if I was a member of the Cheyenne tribe, I'd start legal proceedings to have her name forcibly changed. Sure, Native Americans may have raped, killed, and scalped a few people in their time, but when have you ever heard of them roasting a defenseless kitten in the oven?

Her folks couldn't even be bothered to throw a completely superfluous apostrophe in there or phoneticize it to something like "Shai'yen".

With parents that lazy and inattentive, it's no wonder she turned out to be the shining example of unrepentant kitten-roasting humanity that she is today.

Cheyenne gets a 0.0, simply because if I started giving out minus numbers, I'd have to give her minus infinity cubed or something because my opinion of her is so low as to defy accurate measurement.

DIONTA

SOURCE

"Dionta" seems to be a variation on "DEE-ON-TAY", which itself has numerous spelling variations.

In this instance, I think it's safe to say that "Dionta" means "Fashion Victim" in African-Americanese. He should have heeded Barack Obama's words of wisdom: "Brothers should pull up their pants!".

Perhaps Dionta could be the posthumous poster child for Barack's pants-pulling-up campaign, with Plaxico Burress (another high-profile victim of the loose pants/self-injury via accidental firearm discharge phenomenon that is currently preying on the African-American community) filling in as the spokesperson.

Liberals will no point the finger at the gun manufacturers here and seek out a further tightening of America's gun laws, but if you ask me the only thing that needs tightening here is waistbands and belts.

Sadly, it seems the moral of this story is that if you can't operate a buckle on a belt correctly, then you probably aren't going to be able to operate a safety on a gun properly either.

Still, bonus points must be given out for pulling a "LeVar" on the middle name "RaShad".

I'm giving "Dionta" a 4.5

LAMOUNT

SOURCE

At first, "Lamount" seems kind of like a lazily-Anglicized version of "Lamont".

The name "Lamont" is apparently taken from Old Norse and means "Law Man", whereas you could be forgiven for thinking it came actually from French and meant "The Mount". As it is, "Lamount" means neither of these things, so you are free to come up with your own unique meaning for it.

For a truly African-Americanized version, his parents should have gone with an apostrophe for "La'Mount", or pulled what's commonly known as a "LeVar Burton move" and capitalized the "M" for "LaMount". Just because they can. Or could have, had they actually taken the time to think about it.

Either way, on a ten point scale for creativity, I'm giving Lamount a measly 2.5

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This blog exists to celebrate the unique creativity of black people in coming up with new and inventive names for their children.