DEQUAN & SHALONDA

SOURCE: Pitch

Facebook, eh? Now, thanks to the miracle of technology, Negroes who have never even met before can have 'beef' and 'diss' one another from anywhere in the world.

DeQuan took his cyber-beef offline, and killed a 16 year old girl whom he had been feuding with on Facebook.

NU is a lot like Facebook, as DeQuan will soon be finding out...lots of people wanting to be your 'friend' and 'poking' you. Good times.

I'm giving DeQuan a 5.0 on the Negronometer. It's good, but not great. Same goes for Shalonda...like Shaniqua, it's the factory rims of Negronomenclature. Must try harder!

DOLLKEITH

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Negroes hate cats. Remember previous Negronomicon stars Cheyenne and Lordtyshon?

Well now we can add Dollkeith to that hallowed list too.

I'm giving Dollkeith a 9.0 on the Negronometer...the instant you hear it, you immediately think to yourself 'What a fucking stupid name', and by golly you would be right too!

DARRELLE, DEANDRE, MARQUIS, MONTRE & URIAH

SOURCE: News On 6

Like the songs says: 'I got five on it', and we have a full hand to play here at The Negronomicon.

These five bipedal turds carried out a home invasion wherein they murdered a 66 year old man. Not only did they outnumber their victim 5 to 1, but they also came armed too.

If JFK was still alive, I've no doubts he would mention them in a future volume of 'Profiles In Courage', such was their bravery. Too bad Oklahoma chooses to lock good men like Jerome Ersland up...he knew how to deal with feral scum like this. Put them down and take them out. Sadly, it is all too often the case that citizens must reap what their traitor politicians hath sown.

Negronomically, we're really looking at nickels and dimes here, a cumulative 5.0. Some of these Negronomes are just terminally unimaginative, like 'Darrelle', but I think all five would look a lot better carved into a headstone, or in an obituary column.

DEZHUAN and DERRIN

SOURCE: CBS News

Now, this might seem like going out on a limb here, but I'm adding these two WITHOUT having seen mugshots.

I'm sure the more delusionally liberal amongst our readership will doubtlessly be outraged by this...after all, the news report makes no mention of any of the suspects being black...yet I feel confident enough to it.

Why, you may ask? Simple. I am a qualified Negronomolgist, and as such can spot Negronomenclature from a mile off. When you couple the presence of Negronomenclature with the other factors (location, use of the media codewords 'teens' and 'youths', and the TNB that took place) it is absolutely certain that these perps are in fact black.

I'm not psychic, I don't have an inside man down at the local police precinct, but I am a qualified Negronomologist and a race realist. Believe me when I tell you that Negronomology is poised to become THE hot crime-prevention science of the next few decades...it will make that Pre-Crime jazz in 'Minority Report' look Stone Age by comparison. Remember, you heard it here first.

I'm giving these two doofuses a perfect 10.0 on the Negronometer, because these names do exactly what a good Negronom should do, namely alert the reader/listener to Negroes without the need for visual confirmation.

If I'm wrong on this, I'll happily eat my hat...but let's face it, I'm not wrong, am I?

Pictures to follow as and when they become available.

DAQUAN DONTE MARQUISE CHAKAR & MARKELL LATRAE

Marquise Chakar

Daquan Donte

Markell Latrae

SOURCE:News Herald

Negros. Guns. Negronomenclature. Murder.

Perhaps the US government should formulate a gun control strategy whereby one may not possess a firearm and a Negronomically-enriched moniker. I think this could prevent a lot of needless deaths.

On the Negronometer, this one gets a solid 9.5...quality and quantity as ever. Which is something that certainly can't be said about the collective brain cells of these characters.

TORONA LAMAR SHANITRA SHYTIA SHTENIQUA JAQUALA D'OBLEEK DeANGELO SHANTE MIELIELICIA D'AIRIEUS TYKEA DONTRAY UDELL & NAMOR

SOURCE:WREX

You know how Edward Woodward starts screaming 'Oh Christ!' in the original version of 'The Wicker Man' when he first sets eyes on it? Well, multiply that by 10 and you still wouldn't be getting close to the reaction I had when I dug up this gem of Negronomology.

It's the usual story, a Negro who beez a good boy/just getting his life turned around just so happens to find himself in the wrong place at the wrong time and is made good. In this particular incident, the wrong place was the pizza joint he and his three cohorts were trying to rob, and it was the wrong time because an off-duty cop happened to be in there at that exact same moment.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the above notice that the full Negronomological significance of the incident hit home.

Words literally fail me...there's even one called Namor, hopefully named after the sub-aquatic Marvel Comics superhero.

Unquestionably, this is a flat out 11.0 on the Negronometer. I honestly cannot see anyway in which this could possibly be topped...and yet every time I have felt that way in the past, I have inevitably been proven wrong. Surely I cannot be wrong this time? I mean, just look at some of the Negronomenclature on display here. It literally defies belief!

ALEEK and DONTA

SOURCE: Philly

Yet more TNB and Negronomical gold. No photos as yet, but I'm keeping a lookout.

Working on The Negronomicon is a thankless task, but at least I have job security.

I'm giving these two 4.5 each on the Negronometer. We've already had a Donta before, and Aleek is nothing special, just mildly stupid, but that's still a damn sight smarter than its' owner.

DEL'CRESHA and MIKAYAH

SOURCE: Detroit Free Press

Crunching the numbers and analysing the statistics always throws up some interesting tidbits. David McCandless' book "Information Is Beautiful" taught me that statistically, the most dangerous flight in the world would be from America to Russia on an Aeroflot DC-9 in August. These variables add up to make it the riskiest air journey on the planet.

Here are some more variables which don't appear in the McCandless' book, but do appear here at the Negronomicon:

Detroit. "Del'Cresha". A crowd of Urban "Youths". Someone getting shot.

If you fed these variables into one of them old school computers with the reel-to-reel and myriad flashing lights, I can guarantee you that the printout would just say 'TNB' on it.

Again, this incident also goes to show that being young, black, an aspiring basketball player and/or rapper, and being Negronomically gifted will get you shot 9 times out of 10

Statistics, like most other areas of factual reporting, be rayciss n' sheeit.

I'm giving Del'Cresha a 9.5...it's an out-there Negronom with a healthy side order of TNB to round out the story.

DURLENTREN & PRIMITIVO

Sylvester Durlentren Thompson

Sylvester Primitivo Thompson

Sylvester Andre Thompson

SOURCE:Chronicle (Houston & Texas)

As you can well imagine, when you are involved as deeply in the field of Negronomology as I am, you start to become somewhat insulated. What was once shocking and surprising suddenly loses the power to shock. One might begin to feel somewhat jaded, and develop the notion that you've seen it all.


...and then a genuine four-alarm Negronomological phenomenon like this one crops up, and you snap out of it, because you know that no matter how much Negronomologically-infused TNB you've witnessed, and no matter how sure you are that the latest round of idiocy you've witnessed can't be topped, lo and behold they go and lower the bar yet again.

The latest trio of inductees to the hallowed pages of the Negronomicon have a number of things in common with previous subjects. They're black, they're male, they're felons, and they're stupid (with stupid names to match). However, this trifecta of walking turds also have something in common with each other...they're all called Sylvester Thompson.

(Yes, I know Sylvester isn't particular Negronomified as names go, but bear with me a second)

Picture the scene at the Thompson household (I'm thinking Section 8?) as Momma Thompson (because you just know that there ain't gonna be no Daddy Thompson in the picture...actually, looking at the resemblance or lack thereof between the three of them, I'd hazard a guess that there was a lot more than one Daddy Thompson, and none of them stuck around either) tries to summon one of her children and keeps getting the wrong one because they all answer to the same name.

It's doubly ironic when you consider how TV and Movies just love that whole unflattering backwoods hicks stereotype of Southerners where there are whole (inbred) families of green/black/yellow toothed (or toothless) tobacco-chewin' yokels who have huge families where each child is named some variation of 'Billy' or 'Bob'...you know Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Billy Ray, Billy Joe, etc...and yet reality just has to step in and ruin the illusion (and Hollywood's best efforts to convince you that up is down and black is white) with the Thompson Twits (Oblique Tintin reference FTW!) here.

Fortunately, Momma Thompson had enough book smarts to give them all different middle names, and it is here the Negronomitude begins in earnest.

'Primitivo' is a pretty good one. Extremely appropriate too, by the looks of things. Shame she didn't just go the whole hog and call him 'Sylvester Subhuman Thompson'.

'Durlentren' on the other hand, is unquestionably Negronomological gold. It's one of those names that as soon as you read it in the news report, you don't need to look at the description of the suspects. That to me is the essence of a good Negronome.

I'm giving this one a solid 10.0 on the Negronometer simply due to the unusual nature of the case (by which I mean the identical names, not the triumvirate of Negro ne'er-do-wells getting arrested in the process of carrying out a crime...there's nothing unusual about that, after all).

AQUADEA, DEBRIA, IVHAN'E and SHAMARRA

SOURCE: FOX8

Pesky neighborhood kids keep intruding upon your lawn, or bumping into your car? Don't chastise them or threaten to complain to their parents, just shoot the little bastards!

That's what Charles DuBose (above) did.

This has been a Public Service Announcement on behalf of the Black Community.


Moral of the story is: Keep off the grass, kids. Or get capped.

Negronomiconically, this one rates a solid 10.0 on the Negronometer...quality and quantity, with a side order of TNB to go. What's not to love?

ASHANTI, AALIYAH, CHAZMIA, DECORY and SHACARA

SOURCE: PIX 11

Nothing too fancy here...Shacara (above) got beat down by a gang of fellow Negronomenclatually-gifted females, with names like Decory (wtf?) and Chazmia (which for some reason make the word 'Chlamydia' pop into my head).

What raises this little spat above the level of your everyday TNB scenario is the weapon used to inflict the damage...a padlock wrapped in a sock and swung at the victim (henceforth known as the 'Lock 'n' Sock')...straight out of the penitentiary playbook

I really do have to get to work on that Negronomified version of Clue that I was planning, don't I?

Anyway, I'm giving this incident an 8.5 cumulative score on the Negronometer, as it has a good mix of quality and quantity.

DOM PERIGION CHAMPAGNE

SOURCE:Chan4Chan

Seriously, beat that.

This is an automatic 10.0 on the Negronometer, even accounting for the misspelling/Negronomification of 'Perignon'.

DAMONTA

Damonta is on the right
SOURCE:The Smoking Gun

Damonta and his hetero life mate here got a woman intoxicated, and then raped her with a live snake.

That's right, two black men, the self-proclaiming 'God's Gift To Women' had to first get the woman intoxicated (perhaps because she doesn't find them as attractive as they evidently consider themselves?), then they had to rape her with a snake (even though every black man will swear blind that 'muh dik' is the biggest in the world, and how they are born sexual supermen, etc.).

Thus we see the disconnect between talking a good game, and reality. Indeed, perhaps the respective 'muh diks' in this case were not of the stereotypical size, and so they resorted to using a snake, hoping the already-intoxicated woman wouldn't be able to tell the difference, or perhaps would wake up the next day and exclaim 'muh poosy done feel like it been raped by a boa constrictor or python n' sheeit', at which point ill smooth brutha Damonta could slyly smirk and perhaps remark something to the effect of 'Yeah, muh dik is that big, bitch'.

Still, this little bit of legend-building is going unpunished, and Damonta and his pal look like they could be getting a full-ride scholarship to NU, where they will no doubt learn the flipside of their little ruse. Just imagine Damonta waking up in his dorm room (or 'cell', as the hep cats call it) and exclaiming 'Daayuummm! Muh azz feels like I done got raped with a broom handle n' sheeit!'.

Something tells me that Damonta's 'roommate' could very soon be considered 'the big man on campus'.

As for Damonta himself, I'm giving him a 2.5, as whilst it's a decent example of Negronomenclature, you just have to say that this case speaks volumes for his inner insecurities and inferiority complex. The guy's a sad, sad case. Still, given the STD rates in the black community, it's probably better for their victim to have been raped/bitten by a snake...certainly less hazardous to her health too. Couldn't he have just gone out and got himself a strap-on or something to cover up his obvious sexual inadequacy? Apparently not, but he needn't worry, because at progressive institutions like NU, penile patheticness doesn't matter. Not everyone gets to be a pitcher, if you know what I'm saying? Personally, I think Damonta will fit in just fine...and I get the feeling that plenty of his fellow NU attendees will be trying to fit in Damonta too.

Now if that ain't poetic justice, I don't know what is.

QUANTEZ DEVONTA and TRACEN

Quantez Devonta


Tracen (How cool would it have been if his middle name was 'Paper'?

SOURCE:Daily Mail

Two of the four goons involved in the Bobby Tillman murder, and an interesting insight into the concept of morality as per 'urban youths'.

Rather than hit a girl who had struck one of their group (see, it starts of okay...vaguely chivalrous, even), the gang of four instead decide to take out their pent up frustration on the next person they see, who happened to be a young fellow by the name of Bobby Tillman, and subsequently beat him to death.

If this isn't a stark illustration of that time-honoured proverb that 'the road to Hell is paved with good intentions', then I don't know what is. Clearly, the road to Hell is also any street or road where black folk congregate in large numbers.



I rest my case.

From a Negronomological perspective, we've got some real humdingers. 'Tracen' sounds like a bad hybrid of 'Tracey' and 'Jason', but 'Quantez Devonta' makes me wish that Scrabble would amend the rules to allow the use of Negronomes.

I'm giving them a cumulative 10.0 on the Negronometer (1.5 for Tracen, 8.5 for Quantez Devonta). Negronomologically gifted, logically and morally subnormal...what else is new?

DELVONTE

SOURCE:Daily Mail

Delvonte's story is certainly an unusual one...how often is that we have an inductee to the Negronomicon who doesn't have a police mugshot?

His body is found battered and bruised in somebody's yard, but because that yard is under a flight path, there's speculation he may have tried hitching a ride in the wheel well of a plane and fell out.

Or perhaps some people just beat him to death and dumped his body in the nearest yard.

Still, it's nice to see the Police adhere to Sherlock Holmes' old maxim that held 'When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth'.

Can the involvement of aliens be ruled out at this juncture? Who knows...still, if this freefall fatality theory does prove to have legs (or, more appropriately, wings), then I'm pretty sure Reverend Al and Jesse will be suing the airline and airport, and probably accusing gravity of being racist too.

For now, I'm giving Delvonte a 5.0 on the Negronometer.

DANROY

SOURCE:Now Public

'Danroy' sounds like a straightforward enough name, most likely a 'play it safe until we know who da babydaddy beez'-inspired moniker. It's just a shame that two fairly mundane names like Dan and Roy got stuck together...imagine if his parents had first consulted the Negronomicon and concocted a hybrid from the Negronomenclature listed within. Just imagine...Querronoszvontario, anybody? It would be even cooler if they decided to splice three or four different Negronomes together. The possibilities are endless!

However, one thing that isn't endless is life, and for some people the end comes quicker than it does for others. In Danroy's case, an attempted vehicular homicide on a cop was unfortunately foiled when said cop's partner decided to let bullets do the talking. In gangsta circles, I'd imagine killing a cop would have led to Danroy being a 'made man'. As it was, it just ended up with him being made good.

I'm giving Danroy a 1.5 on the Negronometer. At the end of the day it's just too mundane and lacking in that intrinsic creativity which all good Negronomes tend to have.

RODTRAVIS DONTA & REXDRIQUEZ CORTEZ

Rodtravis

Rexdriquez


SOURCE(via Chicago Avenger at Chimpout)

"Rodtravis" strikes me as another "covering all the babbydaddy bases" name. If this trend isn't stamped out soon, we will see Negronomes the length of telephone directories...think about those sows that go on Maury and have to test 20 guys (all of whom they are '250,000% sure' is da babbydaddy), and imagine poor Maury having to try and remember the name of their spawn when it's called "LaTreshawnomarionunezsvontariovarianookiedawgthatguyifuckedatdamariospartylastweekeyonte".

The again, maybe they couldn't decide between the two names and decided to conjoin them, rather than having one or both as a middle name, as that would be too logical.
Instead, he got "Donta" as a middle name.

"Rodtravis" gets a 5.0 on the Negronometer...it's just too perfunctory and obvious.

"Rexdriquez", on the other hand, is a Scrabble player's dream. What kind of a score could you get for that (if it was in fact a real word)? The middle name of "Cortez" leads me to believe "Rexdriquez"'s momma had eaten Mexican food shortly prior to his birth (possibly as an aid to passing him?) and this was thus reflected in his name. If we can just find a Negress called "LaTacoBelle Jefferson" or some such, I feel my theory will have been partially proven.

I'm giving "Rexdriquez" a 5.5, just for the inherent stupidity value.

DEANGELO

SOURCE

Do I actually need to say anything here? "Deangelo" is a fairly common Negronom, and it's disappointing to see that his mother couldn't be bothered to go the extra mile and 'Pull a LeVar' or add a needless apostrophe.

Still, the picture alone is worth a thousand words, plus the combination of mental retardation (just look at the picture!) and latent homicidal impulses it takes to shoot your baseball coach for benching you all adds up to a healthy 7.0 on the trusty Negronometer.

Just look at that picture. Damn.

DEANDRE JAVONT, DEMARCUS ANTWAIN, JIMMON LEEDARRENTE AND LAZARO

SOURCE



"Deandre" is your common-or-garden negronomenclature, whereby the adding of a totally superfluous La/Le/Da/De prefix to a pre-existing name gives it that extra little touch of Negronomical creativity, like "Dejohn" or "Latanya". Of course, points must be deducted for the failure to 'pull a LeVar' or add an apostrophe for "DeAndre" or "De'andre".

Still, his momma has made up for this Negronomical faux pas by pulling out a doozy for the middle name with "Javont". "Javont" is one of these totally sui generis Negronomes which has no meaning other than to signify to people reading the newspaper that the owner of said name is African-American.

One thing I will say about "Deandre"...I don't know if he can play bass, but he sure does a passable impression of one! That guy's head must be at least 20% lip!

Deandre gets a 3.5 on the Negronometer.



Much the same can be said for our second contestant "Demarcus", which covers much the same ground as "Deandre". However, "Demarcus" trumps "Deandre" in the middle name stakes as he drops the bomb with "Antwain". It's just like "Antoine", which is often Negronomicized to something like "Antwan" or "Antwon(e)", yet I believe the the pronounciation is probably nearer to "An-twayne". It's clearly a creative masterstroke in the field of Negronomology as we know it.

I'm giving him a 4.5



Both "Demarcus" and "Deandre" pale in comparison to our third contestant, "Jimmon Leedarrente". First off the bat, "Jimmon" is another totally nonsensical negronome just like "Javont". It sounds like one of those stupid "Sh'mon" noises Michael Jackson used to make, back when he was alive. Seriously, grab your balls, but on a sequinned gloved and try it..."Jimmon! Hee-Heee! Ow!".

Again, it's in the middle name where the money is. "Leedarrente". Just pause for a second and ponder the awesome and transcendant negronomicality of this name.

I'm guessing that the "Lee" part isn't intended as a superfluous "Le" with an extra "E" added for creativity, but I could be wrong. My hypothesis, as an avid amateur Negronomologist, is that "Jimmon" was the subject of what's known as "Baby Mama Drama", and his mother decided to err on the side of caution and give him a name that referenced both of the potential babydaddies, namely "Lee" and "Darren". Where the "Te" part comes in, I don't know. Perhaps a third possible babyfather? Or just a trademark Negronomical flourish to give the name that little something extra?

I'll guess we'll never know, and to be honest, I can't say I'm that bothered about finding out.

"Jimmon Leedarrente" is a solid 9.0 on my Negronometer.

Last but not least, we have "Lazaro", the middle name of the poor unforunate victim of the above Negronomically-blessed individuals. "Lazaro" brings to mind the story of "Lazarus", but as far as I am aware, this guy hasn't come back from the dead yet. Indeed, if he did, they'd probably have to release these guys from prison, so it's probably best for society at large that he stays dead and buried.

One dead and a bunch in prison sounds like a fair enough trade to me, but one in prison and a bunch of 'em in the grave would make better fiscal sense in the long term. Funerals are generally cheaper than long-term prison sentences, after all.

DONESSA

SOURCE

"Donessa" fell foul of the wrath of three scorned mudsharks. They superglued his dick to his belly. That's just asking for the "Nicole Simpson" treatment.

Fortunately, "Donessa" already has a girly-sounding name, so if they have to amputate, he'll be all set.

"Donessa" gets a 3.5 on the Negronometer. Part of me feels sympathy for him, because I know that a girly-man name like "Donessa" is the kind that would attract a lot of teasing at school. Fortunately, the other part of me knows he probably never went to school anyway, so it's a dead issue.

"Donessa" is also a child molester...maybe they glued his dick to his belly to protect local kids? That's what I'd be telling the judge, anyhow...