SHARAY, TAYSHANA, TERIQUE & TYSHAWN

Tyshawn...he beez a good boy, he wuz jus' gettin' his life turned around, etc.

SOURCE: CBS Local New York

Wow...quality AND quantity! You can't argue with a combination like that!

Turns out this sorry story is just more of the same ol' TNB with guns, but the sheer volume of Negronomenclature means this is getting a 10.0 on the Negronometer. It's almost as if the presence of one Negronome inspires a wave of competitive Negronomenclature in the surrounding area, a sort of Negronomically-tinged version of 'keeping up with the Jones', whereby Negronomological oneupmanship is the order of the day.

TYREE

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Tyree murdered a homeless guy with an axe, then proceeded to eat his brain and eyeball.

I'm guessing the local KFC/Popeye's/Church's must have been closed?

Disappointingly, the eyeball apparently tasted like an oyster, thus ruining the slew of 'tastes like chicken' cannibal jokes I was preparing to unleash upon this article.

Whilst the crime itself is shocking, the Negronomenclature is pretty much bog-standard, thus it only merits a 2.0 on the Negronometer.

THABERI

SOURCE: The Sun

Thaberi likes to punch pregnant women in the stomach whilst robbing them. This is the sort of wonderful diversity that is enriching towns up and down the UK. What a shame nobody punched Thaberi's mother in the stomach while she was pregnant...who knows, perhaps someone did, and that's why he's the way he is. However, we here at the Negronomicon know better...he is the way heis because he is the way he is. Negronomenclature and TNB go hand in hand.

I'm giving Thaberi a -10.0 on the Negronometer. Vermin, nothing more, nothing less.

THURMAN

SOURCE: Phoenix New Times

"And they called it puppy love...Oh, I guess they'll never know"

The TNB just keeps on coming. This one is so rich that even dingbat leftist-liberal news sources found it hard to resist.

Thurman is a guy who doesn't do things by half measures...having pulled his johnson out (Strike one: Indecent Exposure), he then proceeds to attempt to forcibly throatfuck a puppy (Thus racking up bestiality and sexual indecency with an animal charges). Not content with this, Thurman goes in for the coup de grace by telling a nearby nine year old child watching the spectacle that '"[I'm going to] do this to you" if the kid didn't stop staring at him.'

Truly a winner. Not so much on the Negronometer, which is only giving him a 2.0, but definitely the sort of guy you'd want to have enriching your community and adding diversity to it. I'd bet the folks over at the Phoenix New Times would rather a hundred Thurman McGriffs living permanently in their community than Sheriff Joe Arpaio or a visiting David Irving. Strange.

TYA

SOURCE: MLive

Tya an' her boo beez havin' relationship difficulties n' sheeit. Normally, this would result in rows, slammed doors, someone moving out or sleeping on the couch, etc.

Except for the fact that here at The Negronomicon, we don't deal in 'normal', we deal in Negronomenclature. Ergo, this little domestic dispute ended up with them exchanging gunfire. Breakups can be rough, I guess.

Sadly, nobody was killed...I guess that's what happens when you insist on holding the gun sideways whilst trying to look all 'gangsta'.

Tya is getting a 1.5 on the Negronometer. It's a short and unimaginative Negronome, barely worthy of inclusion, but here merely for the sake of it.

TORONA LAMAR SHANITRA SHYTIA SHTENIQUA JAQUALA D'OBLEEK DeANGELO SHANTE MIELIELICIA D'AIRIEUS TYKEA DONTRAY UDELL & NAMOR

SOURCE:WREX

You know how Edward Woodward starts screaming 'Oh Christ!' in the original version of 'The Wicker Man' when he first sets eyes on it? Well, multiply that by 10 and you still wouldn't be getting close to the reaction I had when I dug up this gem of Negronomology.

It's the usual story, a Negro who beez a good boy/just getting his life turned around just so happens to find himself in the wrong place at the wrong time and is made good. In this particular incident, the wrong place was the pizza joint he and his three cohorts were trying to rob, and it was the wrong time because an off-duty cop happened to be in there at that exact same moment.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the above notice that the full Negronomological significance of the incident hit home.

Words literally fail me...there's even one called Namor, hopefully named after the sub-aquatic Marvel Comics superhero.

Unquestionably, this is a flat out 11.0 on the Negronometer. I honestly cannot see anyway in which this could possibly be topped...and yet every time I have felt that way in the past, I have inevitably been proven wrong. Surely I cannot be wrong this time? I mean, just look at some of the Negronomenclature on display here. It literally defies belief!

TYRONE LEVOID

SOURCE: Daily Mail


How to solve the race issue? Well, we could interbreed with each other, resulting in one race where everyone's the same colour. Tyrone was doing his part here.

Still, this process would take a long time...a few generations at the least. Dynamic go-getters like Tyrone do not have time to wait for things like this. That's why they love fast food like fried chicken.

No Tyrone formulated a plan whereby his mudshark could enjoy all of the benefits of being as black as he is...by setting fire to her! Smart thinking Tyrone.

Another mudshark gets their death wish fulfilled too. Who would have guessed it would turn out this way?

Negronomically speaking, 'Tyrone' is like the factory rims of negronomes, and thus not all that noteworthy. 'Levoid', on the other hand, is a doozy, and neatly rhymes with words like 'negroid' (which Tyrone is) and 'devoid' (which Tyrone also is, regarding intelligence, humanity, a soul...and now liberty).

I'm giving it a 5.0 on the Negronometer.

TYNISHA

This isn't Tynisha, or Heimdall, for that matter. All will be explained...

SOURCE:WAVY

Tynisha is the first victim of Marvel's politically-correct 'color blind casting' decision to have Idris Elba, a black man, portray the Norse God (yes, a black Norse God...ponder that one for a second) Heimdall, who is known as 'The White God'.

How ironic, eh? You'd almost think they'd done it by design rather than chance.

Anyway, anyone who is familiar with the bizarre lengths black people have gone to with the 'Weez beez Egypshuns n' sheeit' meme would have immediately realised that having black folk suddenly think 'Weez beez Norse Godz n' sheeit' was a disaster waiting to happen...only it ain't waiting no more.



No, Tynisha, no doubt convinced that she was a direct descendant of Thor himself, took it upon herself to attack her husband with a hammer. Why not a kitchen knife, baseball bat or good ol' fashioned 'gat', you ask? Simple...because of Marvel's mindlessly masturbatory multicultural movie morass that is Thor (how do you like those alliterative apples, Mr. Stan Lee?).

Alas, shortly after taking up her less-than-mythical Mjolnir against her babydaddy, she also attempted vehicular homicide on a cop with her car (in mythology, Thor generally uses a chariot pulled by two rams...say, I wonder if she drove a Dodge?) and was shot and killed.

No doubt her soul (if indeed she had one...many academics in the field of Negrology contest this supposition) was borne skyward by a throng of Valkyries unto the great halls of Asgard, where Tynisha may join the other brave fallen in the Wild Hunt. Indeed, no doubt if Snorri Sigurdsson was still amongst us, he would not doubt be adding her story to the epic poem that is the Havamal:

Tynisha be dead, yo
But she layeth not in the ground
Dat bitch got capped by five-oh
As she wuz just turnin' her life around

She din' do nothin'
Save with a hammer smite her buck's head
Vehicularhomicide-aphobic pigs be racist 'n sheeit
Dats why they shot her azz dead.

I'm giving Tynisha a 5.0 on the Negronometer...she's just another victim of the mass media practice of swopping out white characters by having them played by black actors. Next thing you know, we'll have a Wright Bros. biopic starring the Wayans brothers, and they'll all be going around thinking they invented the plane.

Shame on you Marvel and Hollywood. Her blood is on your hands.

SHAKERA SUNCELAREE and TYREK

Shakera Suncelaree


SOURCE:True Crime Report

Shakera is an interesting one. It might be pronounced 'Sha-CARE-AH', or it might be pronounced 'Sha-KEER-Ah', like that hip-wigglin' Colombian songbird.

Turns out that the name may not be the only thing she's adopted from Latin culture, as she didn't seem to have much objection to Tyrek and his pals using her 18 month old child as a pinata, and beating the crap out of it.

Nice.

As for her middle name, Suncelaree...what the hell is that about? Damned if I know.

Tyrek is another interesting one...could be a Negronomological 'spin' on 'Tariq' (such as Tariq Aziz, for example), but then again, it also puts me in mind of such legendary popular culture icons as Tim Russ' black Vulcan Tuvok, or the comic book (and subsequent video game) hero, Turok, a Native American who hunts dinosaurs.

Coming soon to a comic book store near you...it's TYREK: TODDLER PUNCHER!

Too bad Tyrek strikes me as being too dumb to enjoy a comic book, even if you removed the words. Still, no doubt being a baby beater will score him some massive rep when he starts his term at NU.

Here's hoping!

I'm giving these two a cumulative 4.5 on the Negronometer, just because their douchebaggery is so pronounced.

QUANTEZ DEVONTA and TRACEN

Quantez Devonta


Tracen (How cool would it have been if his middle name was 'Paper'?

SOURCE:Daily Mail

Two of the four goons involved in the Bobby Tillman murder, and an interesting insight into the concept of morality as per 'urban youths'.

Rather than hit a girl who had struck one of their group (see, it starts of okay...vaguely chivalrous, even), the gang of four instead decide to take out their pent up frustration on the next person they see, who happened to be a young fellow by the name of Bobby Tillman, and subsequently beat him to death.

If this isn't a stark illustration of that time-honoured proverb that 'the road to Hell is paved with good intentions', then I don't know what is. Clearly, the road to Hell is also any street or road where black folk congregate in large numbers.



I rest my case.

From a Negronomological perspective, we've got some real humdingers. 'Tracen' sounds like a bad hybrid of 'Tracey' and 'Jason', but 'Quantez Devonta' makes me wish that Scrabble would amend the rules to allow the use of Negronomes.

I'm giving them a cumulative 10.0 on the Negronometer (1.5 for Tracen, 8.5 for Quantez Devonta). Negronomologically gifted, logically and morally subnormal...what else is new?

TRAVARIS

SOURCE

"Travaris" is African-Americanese for vehicular homicide.

"Travaris" gets a 5.0 on the Negronometer. As soon as you see the name, you know he's black. That's how we like it.

TYKEZA, MONISHA, TI'ESHIA, OMIR, JAMAIYAH, and TA'MARION

My God...it's Negronomenclature Nirvana up in this joint!!!

This gets a 10.0 cumulative score...you simply can't top stuff like this.

TERRIFFIC

SOURCE

Okay, I'm stretching the rules here because "Terriffic" is his middle name, but what a great middle name it is.

Even better, they couldn't even spell it correctly!

"Terriffic" gets a 5.0 because it's not outlandishly creative, but it is incredibly stupid.

TELIA, SHARDAE, and SHOLONDA

This is the ELEVENTH guy they paternity tested to find out 'who beez ma baby daddy?'.

When you stop to think about it, it's pretty easy for the person in the street to figure out the rough date of conception to within a couple of days or so either side (let's be generous and say a week in total). Which then beggars the question as to exactly how many guys she was having unprotected sex with within that timeframe for there to be this many possible fathers?

"Telia" gets a 5.5 because she's a stank ho but she gave her babydaddy-less baby the pleasingly negronomical name "Shardae"

Of course, as shocking as this may seem, they have had a ho on the Maury show who tested 17 different guys.



Again, if 17 failed the test, that means she slept with at least 18 guys within the timeframe. "Sholonda" must have been banging multiple guys on the same day!

"Sholonda" gets a 4.0 because she named her babydaddy-less baby 'Kayla', which is far too mundane. Perhaps she thought a less negronomical name might help to prevent her her daughter from making the same mistakes she made? I sincerely doubt it...if you're that much of a failure as a human being, then it stands to reason you're not going to be much of a parent either.

TIMON

SOURCE

It's like "Simon" with a "T".

Or is it like "Timothy" with an "n" instead of a "thy"?

Maybe in an alternative reality, he would have been called 'Simothy' or something?

Again, throw in a "La" or pull a "LeVar" and you could jazz this up to a more snappy-sounding "LaTimon".

As it is, "Timon" sounds like "Tie 'Em On", which in turn sounds like something the relatives of the guy he killed would like to do to Timon's limbs...tie 'em on to the back of a pick-up truck and put the pedal to the metal over some country backroads.

Sorry, but this is another 0.0 on the creativity-o-meter for me.