OPHADELL

Question: Just how much of a gambling addiction do you have to have in order to think allowing somebody with a cranium shaped like this to be your driver is a good idea?

SOURCE:Daily Mail

You probably know Ophadell as the 'Deadly Decapitation Devil Driver' after the unfortunate incident wherein he decapitated a group of Asian gambling enthusiasts on his bus with the help of a signpost.

Hey, it could have happened to any one of us. Accidents like this happen all the time, right?

Of course, we know it's not Ophadell's fault, because members of his family have already confirmed that 'He din' do nuffinz!', so that makes it okay.

(NB: 'Nuffinz' in this instance does not take into account Ophadell's previous convictions for grand larceny, second degree murder later downgraded to manslaughter, speeding, driving without a license, driving whilst under suspension, giving a false name etc. Still, you can rest assured that he beez a good boy who wuz jus' gettin' his life turned around...etc, etc.)

What makes this case most interesting to me is the reaction of the Asian-American community. Here we have a criminal negro who has caused 15 deaths and/or decapitations of your fellow Asians, yet rather than 'take it to the streets' and demand some justice, they instead get their panties in a bunch over the innocent observations of this young lady:

She can play with my King Kong Ding Dong and make me go 'Oooooh!' anytime she likes...!

Priorities, eh?

Stll, Asian people taking other minorities to task for being poor drivers could be fraught with 'pot calling the kettle black' difficulties, plus I'd imagine the young white girl is probably easier to beat up than shank-happy jailbird Ophadell. Way to go losing that 'Asian men are kind of effeminate' tag, heroes!

I'm giving Ophadell an 8.5 on the Negronometer...it's not the most outlandish Negronome I've ever encountered, but you knew he was black as soon as you read it, even before the mugshot surfaced, so it's a practical one. Factor in that F'd up fizzog (physiognomy for those playing along at home), and you've got yourself another winner.

TYKEZA, MONISHA, TI'ESHIA, OMIR, JAMAIYAH, and TA'MARION

My God...it's Negronomenclature Nirvana up in this joint!!!

This gets a 10.0 cumulative score...you simply can't top stuff like this.

OMARRIAN

SOURCE

"Omarrian" is a pretty good one. It's like his folks wanted a traditional North African name like "Omar" but then couldn't resist the urge to "Negronomify" it.

Sadly, like his impulse-control deficient parents before him, it seems "Omarrian" likewise couldn't resist his urges (to murder and rob people), so he's now rotting in jail.

"Omarrian" gets a 4.5 as it just seems a little bit run of the mill in terms of Negronomenclaturic creativity.

OCTAVIUS

SOURCE

"Octavius" originates from Latin and means "the eighth". I kind of get the feeling that "Octavius" would have been buying an eighth (of an ounce) of something improper had he succeeded in his nefarious scheme.

Sadly, he got capped by the homeowner.

You have to wonder whether "Octavius" really has (at least) 7 other siblings, or whether his parents gave him the name "Octavius" because, like the Crazy 88 in 'Kill Bill' (who don't actually have 88 members), they thought it sounded 'cool'. You know, like a conquering Roman emperor and all that.

Indeed, if he does have 7 siblings, what are the odds they all share the same father? Slim to none would be my guess!

I'm giving "Octavius" a 1.25, as something like "Octavion" would have been so much cooler, plus on a 10 point scale, 1.25 is an eighth. How's that for appropriateness?

ORENTHAL

Apparently, "Orenthal" is a Hebrew expression meaning "pine tree".

It's also an anagram of "...Then Oral", which is probably a very significant phrase in O.J.'s daily prison life, most likely heard directly after the demand for "Anal...".

I'm giving "Orenthal" a 4.0. Something like "L'Orenthalius" would have been so much better. All it takes is a little effort, people!