JAYLAN

SOURCE: South East Texas Today

Okay man, here's the deal. You've done the crime, now the pigs are sniffing around you. All they know is that you were an acquaintance of the victim, they just want a statement. All you have to do is play it cool, and not give them any reason to suspect you're the killer.

So what do you do?

During the interview Williams became irate and attacked the Detective. Williams was restrained and arrested for Assault on a Peace Officer.

Now they beez jailin' Jaylan for a looooooong time.

Jaylan gets a 2.5 on the Negronometer, and I tend to suspect he would score about the same on an IQ test too.

JERARD

Jerard (R) with his partner in crime

SOURCE: Fox 23

Oklahoma again, eh? I've said it once, I've said it twice, and so help me I'll say it a third time too: They should never have locked Jerome Ersland up.
Now it appears they are reaping the consequences.

Jerard will likely be getting a full ride scholarship at NU for his part in the murder of two students.

I'm only giving him a 0.5 on the Negronometer, as 'Jerard' is just plain lazy Negronomenclature.

JAKADRIEN and JOHNESSA

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Can't understand why people are so shocked about this story. I mean, if YOU were lumbered with a moniker like 'Jakadrien', and had to live within the African-American 'community', wouldn't you choose to change your name and emigrate? Of course you would...even black people don't want to live with black people.

Jakadrien stayed true to her roots by lying and playing the system to get her free flight to her dream destination of....Bogota, Colombia. Go figure. I guess a Third World country ravaged by drugs and violence would be considered a step up when compared to your average 'hood.

Her mother Johnessa (no mention of her father in the article...hmmmm) is dumbfounded. Given that Jakadrien is now apparently pregnant, perhaps she thought that putting some geographical distance between her family and herself would serve to break the hereditary curse of Negronomenclature, which evidently runs strong in this family. If Jakadrien is successfully deported back to the States to have her baby, I'm predicting another entry in the Negronomicon under 'J'.

This one gets an 8.0 on the Negronometer.

JACQUETTA

SOURCE:Daily Mail

Yet more violence at the Wal-Mart (or 'WallMark', as they say in Ebonics) with a Negronomenclaturial twist. Jacquetta punched out a 70 year old female employee who had the temerity to ask to see her receipt.

Classy lady.

I'm giving her a 0.0 on the Negronometer. It's not a particularly negrified Negronome, but she makes it work. However, she is also clearly a violent, subhuman savage with an attitude problem, so no rating for her.

MARKESHIA, JASMAINE & NAKISHA

Markeshia

Jasmaine

Nakisha...fugly all day!

SOURCE: WZZM13

It's a hat-trick. A trifecta of turd world rejects busy enriching your local mall with that wonderful 'diversity'. No need to pepper spray the poor Loss Prevention lady though...exposing an armpit would probably have had the same effect.

Still, this case gives a real insight into the thought process (or complete lack thereof) in play here, specifically in regard to risk and reward. It takes a three person crew (with a possible fourth) to steal some items small enough to fit into a large purse.

Now, bear in mind 1) this is at Wal-Mart, which isn't the most high end store out there and 2) any small items of significant value will be kept locked away under glass. So just what the hell were they trying to steal that was so small and valuable that it needs a multi-person operation to pull it off (unsuccessfully)?

It's like the ghetto version of Ocean's Eleven, I guess.

Still, what they lack in smarts, they make up for in Negronomenclature. Jasmaine is pretty perfunctory Negronomification of the pre-existing 'Jasmine', only whereas Jasmine refers to something, Jasmaine means nothing. Thus, it is an archetypal Negronome in that regard. Nakisha is pretty much as middle-of-the-road as Negronomes get, but it is Markeshia which takes the prize for this round.

All told, it's a cumulative 8.5 on the Negronometer here. TNB and stupid names, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

TORONA LAMAR SHANITRA SHYTIA SHTENIQUA JAQUALA D'OBLEEK DeANGELO SHANTE MIELIELICIA D'AIRIEUS TYKEA DONTRAY UDELL & NAMOR

SOURCE:WREX

You know how Edward Woodward starts screaming 'Oh Christ!' in the original version of 'The Wicker Man' when he first sets eyes on it? Well, multiply that by 10 and you still wouldn't be getting close to the reaction I had when I dug up this gem of Negronomology.

It's the usual story, a Negro who beez a good boy/just getting his life turned around just so happens to find himself in the wrong place at the wrong time and is made good. In this particular incident, the wrong place was the pizza joint he and his three cohorts were trying to rob, and it was the wrong time because an off-duty cop happened to be in there at that exact same moment.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the above notice that the full Negronomological significance of the incident hit home.

Words literally fail me...there's even one called Namor, hopefully named after the sub-aquatic Marvel Comics superhero.

Unquestionably, this is a flat out 11.0 on the Negronometer. I honestly cannot see anyway in which this could possibly be topped...and yet every time I have felt that way in the past, I have inevitably been proven wrong. Surely I cannot be wrong this time? I mean, just look at some of the Negronomenclature on display here. It literally defies belief!

ANTWUN, CLETA, and JEVONTAI

Antwun beez dead, yo.

SOURCE: News OK

The Oklahoma Pharmacy shooting, also known as "The Jerome Ersland case". This guy is a hero, even though he has been imprisoned. Ersland's "crime" was to deliver the killshot to a would-be robber...in politically-correct fantasyland, I'm guessing you're supposed to allow wounded assailants the chance to get up and attack and kill you, (or let them escape so they can come back and finish you off at a later date, thus leaving no witnesses).

Jerome Ersland. Other than two co-workers, how many other lives did he save?

Sorry, but the rule is "Put them down and take them out".

There's a saying that holds that it is better to be judged by 12 (jurors) than carried by 6 (pallbearers). Jerome Ersland can still get a pardon, but Raymond Ferguson, Jennifer Mejia, Bryon Sheffield, and Jamie Taccetta (the victims of David Laffer in the Haven drugstore shootings) can never get a pardon, nor can their loved ones, because they are dead and gone forever.

If I'm going to be in a pharmacy that is being robbed at gunpoint, I sure as hell hope that one of the employees or customers is a Jerome Ersland type of guy. Who knows, perhaps one of the Haven victims was "A Jerome Ersland type of guy" before Jerome Ersland was sentenced to life imprisonment. New York's gun laws aside, I hope this case won't have a 'chilling effect' on people defending themselves against armed criminals with lethal force.

Negronomically speaking, Jevontai is golden, and whilst Antwun is a pretty disappointing 'Antoine for retards' kind of name, I'm pretty sure it looks good on a tombstone. The Negronometer is giving a cumulative 8.0 for this sorry lot

WILANA JOENEL

SOURCE: Tampa Bay Online

What is it with black people and cats? I've already theorised earlier that perhaps it is a deep-seated envy rooted in the fact that cats have superior intellects and personal hygiene than blacks, but now I'm starting to think there might just be something more to it than that...maybe something related to ancient Egypt, possibly?

Wilana went one better than previous Negronomicon standout Lordtyshon (who you may recall beat a cat to death with an umbrella) by using a baseball bat. She still has some way to go until she reaches the level of sadistic subhuman Cheyenne Cherry though.

It's an oft-quoted truism that dogs don't like Negros...something tells me that cats can't be too far behind their four-legged cousins in becoming racially-aware, methinks.

As for Wilana herself, I'm looking at her mugshot, and thinking to myself 'You know, I'm sure I've seen that face somewhere before...' and lo and behold, it turns out that I had.



I'm only giving Wilana Joenel a 4.5 on the Negronometer, as it's just pretty average in terms of Negronomological value. One thing for sure is that Wilana's looks will never be described as 'average' or 'pretty' though. She naaaasty, and her penchant for animal cruelty isn't very endearing either. Just what it is she is supposed to have to offer the United States I am unsure (other than that much-needed diversity we keep hearing about), but she's certainly found her rightful home here in the Negronomicon.

KURTISHA, JAVEONI, SHIKIMI

SOURCE: JS Online

Epic tale here, certainly worthy of the newspaper's attention. There were struggles to overcome, adversity, challenges and moments of self-discovery, but in the end this talented bunch of scholars were able to defy the odds and give a little presentation in layman's terms.

You know, the kind of thing regular students do regularly without any great hoo-ha. It deserves to be made into a Hollywood movie...maybe they could call it "Droppin' Science" or something like that? Of course, it would need some stereotypical evil white racist character who tries to thwart their attempts at every turn, but I have faith that Hollywood can pull it off.

I'm surprised none of them have been shortlisted for the Nobel Prize as of yet. They may not have done that much by regular academic standards, but they've done more than Barack Obama did to get his.

JAZ'MINE

SOURCE: WFAA

Jaz'mine is dead.

Let us examine some of the facts in the case:

Emergency officials said the child had immersion burns to her stomach and legs, likely from hot water.

1) Da Babydaddy "confessed to putting the couple's daughter Jaz'mine in the bathtub... then falling asleep"

a) Putting a baby in the bath and then going to sleep is a surefire way to have the kid drown itself. However, this tot didn't have the chance to drown themself, as they died from their burns.

b) If you put a baby in water that is hot enough to cause said burns, would you not expect it to be making so much noise wailing in agony that Da Babydaddy would not be able to get to sleep?

This whole case positively screams 'Ghetto Lobster'. If you're not familiar with the term, we discussed it HERE.

Also of note:

2) Da Babydaddy 'has been on the run since Tuesday night, when he picked up Howard from work and she later found her daughter's body wrapped in a sheet inside the trunk of the car.'

a) The white girl works, Da Babydaddy stays home, mooches off her and 'takes care' of the kid. This totally contradicts the usual interracial relationship paradigm.

Not.

3) Howard said she begged Bellamy's family for help. "I said, 'Call 911 right now, call 911 please! Charles says my daughter is in the trunk of the car and she's not alive anymore."

a) Generally, this would imply that she is dead.

4) Before he fled, Howard said Bellamy took a weapon from the house and drove off in his mother's car.

a) Mooching off women again! I'm assuming 'a weapon' is a firearm, but I figure that if he was going to bite the bullet, he'd have done it already. I'm seeing more of a 'You'll never take me alive, pig!' scenario unfolding here.

5) "Bellamy, who police call a "person of interest" in Jaz'mine's death..."

No shit Sherlock. You think!?

This story is so tragic, even more so because seasoned Negronomologists amongst our number could have predicted without fail that this was all doomed to failure before it even began, but some people just won't listen to common sense, or factual evidence either. You know what they say about those who ignore history being doomed to repeat it...

I'm not going to even give it a score on the Negronometer, it's that sad.

JEMELLE and MENSHACK

SOURCE:WSBTV

This one has it all...Negroes,Criminality, Negronomenclature and Fail. Twice over, no less.

These two fine upstanding 'citizens' are supposed to be National Guardsmen, yet instead decided to turn their respective hands to armed robbery. Go figure, eh? It kind of reminds me of that old saying about having the fox guard the henhouse.

In the event of a massive 'SHTF'-type scenario striking the US, these two would be called upon to enforce law and order, security, etc....somehow though, I'm kind of thinking they be just like the Police looters during Katrina, only with machine guns instead of a handgun.



Sleep safe, America!

'Jemelle' is obviously a Negronomified version of 'Jamal', but what the hell is a 'Menshack'?

I'm giving them a cumulative 5.0 on the Negronometer...these just aren't the kind of stand-out Negronomes that this site exists to chronicle.

JABRAYLON & CARLNELUS

Carnelus...looks kind of like Snoop Dogg to me
SOURCE:Fox News

Novices in the field of Negrology might find this story both shocking and surprising. However, seasoned students of the game will have been nodding their heads and putting two and two together as soon as they read the headline, because this sort of thing isn't actually that uncommon. Indeed, incidents like this are so numerous that they have even spawned their own catch-all term, and it is that two-word phrase which would have been front-and-center in the minds of Negrologists as they perused this sorry story.

That phrase is 'GHETTO LOBSTER' (or 'Lobsta/Lobstah' as per your preference).



Urban Dictionary defines it thus:

Ghetto Lobster

A baby who's been 'disciplined' with hot water (immersed in a pot of boiling water, for example) by someone with poor parenting skills attributed to an economically under-privileged upbringing.

That's no baby with a sunburn; that's a ghetto lobster.


It's one of those things which at first you'll dismiss as made up, or an internet meme gone out of control...that is until you see the rather numerous cases that back the theory up.

Let me put it to you this way: You know that black guy on 'Deadliest Catch'? Exactly...know what I'm saying?

Anyway, turns out Carlnelus was already a convicted murderer, so probably not the best person to leave looking after your child, all things considered.

I'm giving this a cumulative 10.0 on the Negronometer. Two good Negronomes combined with classic instance of TNB means that this is one for the ages.

ANDRAE JHAKOR SKI'RON

SOURCE:M Live

Okay, let me just say I was in two minds whether or not to include 'Andrae' as it is a lazy attempt at Negronomifying an existing name...you wouldn't even know it was different unless you saw it written down.

However, once we get past this initial disappointment, it's solid gold from here on out. Picture the scene:

INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM of STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

ENSIGN BLOGGS: Most of the dignitaries have already beamed aboard Captain.

CAPTAIN SMITH: Who's left?

ENSIGN BLOGGS: Just the Triluvian Ambassador...he's beaming over now.

(Triluvian Ambassador materialises in Transporter Bay)

TRILUVIAN: I am Jhakor Ski'ron, Ambassador of Triluvia.

CAPTAIN SMITH: On behalf of the United Federation of Planets, I welcome you aboard
the Starship Enterprise.

TRILUVIAN: Yo, where da Vulcan women be at?

Andrae falls into the 'not to sharp, but fond of sharp objects category', and it looks like his penchant for stabbing people could earn him a scholarship place at NU, where sticking things inside people against their will is a daily occurence, especially in the showers. He should love it!

I'm giving him a 9.0...it would have been 10, but I had to knock a point off for 'Andrae', I'm afraid.

JANZEN and NU'KEESE

Janzen

Nu'keese

SOURCE

What is it about negroes and criminality? It's like one of nature's immutable laws.

Suffice to say, it looks like these two future rocket scientists will be trading in their full ride athletic scholarships for full ride scholarships at NU.

At the end of the day, I can't help but get the feeling that this is all whitey's fault. If only some rich white family had adopted them like in that Sandra Bullock movie, then everything would have been just fine. They would probably be formulating cures for HIV and AIDS as we speak, but alas it appears that the white man is hellbent on keeping them down.

From a negronomological perspective, 'Janzen' is extremely disappointing, seeming to be little more than a jazzed-up version of 'Janson' or some such similar pre-existing name. As such, it merits only a 3.0 on the Negronometer.

'Nu'keese', on the other hand, is what we here in the negronomology faculty at NU call 'black gold'. You simply can't beat a name like 'Nu'keese', unless your name is something like 'Zsvontario'. It ticks all the boxes...superfluous apostrophe and all.
'Nu'keese' is getting an 8.5 on the Negronometer.

JAKARIS, AVION & MASTERSON

SOURCE

'Jakaris' just gone and got himself a lifetime full-ride scholarship to NU, majoring in Applied Negritude. He's going to 'held back a year' every year, for the rest of his life, until he is made 'good'.

I'm not a mathematician or economics buff, but surely it would be cheaper just to have Jakaris and his pals made 'good' straight away?

'Jakaris' can have a 5.5 on the Negronometer. It does the job, but not much more.

'Avion' is French for 'Aeroplane', which is ironic, because 'Avion' himself sung like a bird and got his homies those all-important NU scholarships. Seems like he was more interested in walking than flying, and thus embraced the stoolie mantra 'those who talk, walk'.

'Avion' gets a 5.5 too...the addition of a D or L with an apostrophe could have made all the difference.

Finally, we have 'Masterson', who be da 'babydaddy' of one of these fine young NU freshman. Reading his testimony to the court, one gains a startling new insight into the 'absent negro father' phenomenon and the logic behind it.

'Masterson' asserts he left his kids because he was doing crack cocaine at the time and didn't want them to be around him (cynics may suggest it was in fact the exact opposite...he just didn't want to be around them) or be a bad influece on them.

It's an interesting sociological hypothesis...deprived of a Negro role model from which to learn behaviors from, will Negroes be more or less inclined to Negritude or 'TNB'?

Well, if you believe that taking a baby fox away from parental influence and putting it in a hen house will result in it clucking, pecking grain and laying eggs, then yes.

If, on the other hand, you believe the fox will revert to type and you will have a whole bunch of dead chickens, then the answer is a resounding 'No!'.

Unfortunately, despite ample evidence to the contrary, the 'Masterson Poindexter Theory' is still embraced by various liberals around the globe.

'Masterson' gets a 6.5 on the Negronometer. It's not a particular outstanding example, but the fact that his name is attached to one of the key theorems of Negronomology makes it significant.

DEANDRE JAVONT, DEMARCUS ANTWAIN, JIMMON LEEDARRENTE AND LAZARO

SOURCE



"Deandre" is your common-or-garden negronomenclature, whereby the adding of a totally superfluous La/Le/Da/De prefix to a pre-existing name gives it that extra little touch of Negronomical creativity, like "Dejohn" or "Latanya". Of course, points must be deducted for the failure to 'pull a LeVar' or add an apostrophe for "DeAndre" or "De'andre".

Still, his momma has made up for this Negronomical faux pas by pulling out a doozy for the middle name with "Javont". "Javont" is one of these totally sui generis Negronomes which has no meaning other than to signify to people reading the newspaper that the owner of said name is African-American.

One thing I will say about "Deandre"...I don't know if he can play bass, but he sure does a passable impression of one! That guy's head must be at least 20% lip!

Deandre gets a 3.5 on the Negronometer.



Much the same can be said for our second contestant "Demarcus", which covers much the same ground as "Deandre". However, "Demarcus" trumps "Deandre" in the middle name stakes as he drops the bomb with "Antwain". It's just like "Antoine", which is often Negronomicized to something like "Antwan" or "Antwon(e)", yet I believe the the pronounciation is probably nearer to "An-twayne". It's clearly a creative masterstroke in the field of Negronomology as we know it.

I'm giving him a 4.5



Both "Demarcus" and "Deandre" pale in comparison to our third contestant, "Jimmon Leedarrente". First off the bat, "Jimmon" is another totally nonsensical negronome just like "Javont". It sounds like one of those stupid "Sh'mon" noises Michael Jackson used to make, back when he was alive. Seriously, grab your balls, but on a sequinned gloved and try it..."Jimmon! Hee-Heee! Ow!".

Again, it's in the middle name where the money is. "Leedarrente". Just pause for a second and ponder the awesome and transcendant negronomicality of this name.

I'm guessing that the "Lee" part isn't intended as a superfluous "Le" with an extra "E" added for creativity, but I could be wrong. My hypothesis, as an avid amateur Negronomologist, is that "Jimmon" was the subject of what's known as "Baby Mama Drama", and his mother decided to err on the side of caution and give him a name that referenced both of the potential babydaddies, namely "Lee" and "Darren". Where the "Te" part comes in, I don't know. Perhaps a third possible babyfather? Or just a trademark Negronomical flourish to give the name that little something extra?

I'll guess we'll never know, and to be honest, I can't say I'm that bothered about finding out.

"Jimmon Leedarrente" is a solid 9.0 on my Negronometer.

Last but not least, we have "Lazaro", the middle name of the poor unforunate victim of the above Negronomically-blessed individuals. "Lazaro" brings to mind the story of "Lazarus", but as far as I am aware, this guy hasn't come back from the dead yet. Indeed, if he did, they'd probably have to release these guys from prison, so it's probably best for society at large that he stays dead and buried.

One dead and a bunch in prison sounds like a fair enough trade to me, but one in prison and a bunch of 'em in the grave would make better fiscal sense in the long term. Funerals are generally cheaper than long-term prison sentences, after all.

TYKEZA, MONISHA, TI'ESHIA, OMIR, JAMAIYAH, and TA'MARION

My God...it's Negronomenclature Nirvana up in this joint!!!

This gets a 10.0 cumulative score...you simply can't top stuff like this.