S
Santonio
Seneca
Shacara
Shakera
Shalonda
Shamarra
Shaniqua
Shanitra
Shante
Sharay
Shardae
Shardai
Shawndeeia
Shemicka
Shikimi
Shmeco
Sholonda
Shteniqua
Shuntay
Shytia
Sierra
Ski'ron
Sparkling Angel
Starquineshia
Stephfon
Suncelaree
Friday 31 December 2010
SPARKLING ANGEL
SOURCE:Click On Detroit
This hulking Hippopotamus-Heifer hybrid put a woman on life support because 'she gave her the wrong look'. All things considered, it's probably for the best that 'Sparkling Angel' didn't introduce herself to the woman in question...who here amongst us can honestly put their hand on their heart and say that they could keep a straight face when presented with a name like that, or suppress the desire to respond with a disbelieving 'For real?' or 'Really?'. Or 'Are you fucking kidding me?'
Very few, I'd wager. As to what constitutes a 'wrong look' (or even a 'right look', for that matter), that's a whole other discussion. Apparently, just looking at Blacks nowadays can be considered 'rayciss'...hopefully the mainstream media will soon cotton on to this idea and stop shoe-horning them into every movie and TV show, whether they should be there or not, like a Black Norse God, for example. It would be nice, but I seriously doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.
I'm giving Sparkling Angel an 8.5 on the Negronometer, because what it lacks in apostrophes, superfluous 'La/Da' prefixes, and faux-African flavour, it more than makes up for in outright balls-to-the-wall stupidity.
Here's hoping her victim makes a full recovery, and that this fat sheboon sow gets shanked in the showers at NU.
Thursday 30 December 2010
JEMELLE and MENSHACK
SOURCE:WSBTV
This one has it all...Negroes,Criminality, Negronomenclature and Fail. Twice over, no less.
These two fine upstanding 'citizens' are supposed to be National Guardsmen, yet instead decided to turn their respective hands to armed robbery. Go figure, eh? It kind of reminds me of that old saying about having the fox guard the henhouse.
In the event of a massive 'SHTF'-type scenario striking the US, these two would be called upon to enforce law and order, security, etc....somehow though, I'm kind of thinking they be just like the Police looters during Katrina, only with machine guns instead of a handgun.
Sleep safe, America!
'Jemelle' is obviously a Negronomified version of 'Jamal', but what the hell is a 'Menshack'?
I'm giving them a cumulative 5.0 on the Negronometer...these just aren't the kind of stand-out Negronomes that this site exists to chronicle.
Tuesday 21 December 2010
RAYMEICA
SOURCE:Macon
Raymeica done been pissed off 'cuz whitey won't give her no Energy Assistance handout, and she's po' an' desperate n' sheeit, and her azz iz gonna freeze 2 Def, yo.
Her cries of 'Gibs me dat!' alas have gone unanswered. It's a story that shames America, when this great nation somehow cannot come together and aid those who have nothing...oh, except an XBox 360 and a monster flatscreen TV. Pay no attention to the man (or expensive home entertainment items) behind the curtains (or 'shegro').
I blame whitey. If whitey hadn't done opressed them Native Americans, then another one of them philosophical injuns would have surely popped up with a timely proverb like 'Only when we've stopped playing HALO will we realise that XBox 360 can't heat a house'.
Word.
The moral of this story is you've gotta watch your background. For me, this highly embarrassing pic of Raymeica is the spiritual descendent of this classic example of autonegrography:
They say a picture's worth a thousand words, and this prime shot of Raymeica doin' her 'We ain't gots nuthin' routine certainly speaks volumes. However, as far as Negronomenclature goes, I'm only giving her a 5.5
Tuesday 14 December 2010
RICTORIA & RICKTORIA
SOURCE:True Crime Report
Fast Food restaurants, verbal disrespect, mindless violence, weaves being torn from scalps. What more do you need to know?
Time was that you could go to a fast food outlet and get assaulted by a negro customer. Now it turns out employees are just a prone to violently chimp out as anyone else. Who would of thought it?
Too bad Rictoria wasn't packing heat, otherwise she could have evolved the drive-by shooting into a drive-thru shooting. That would be some next-level Negrology and no mistake.
Anyway, Rictoria is pretty lame as Negronomenclature goes...I'll give it a 1.5, and the same goes for the variant spelling 'Ricktoria', which I seem to recall seeing on Maury many, many moons ago. I think she'd stolen her daughter's boyfriend/babydaddy/buck/whatever.
JABRAYLON & CARLNELUS
Carnelus...looks kind of like Snoop Dogg to meSOURCE:Fox News
Novices in the field of Negrology might find this story both shocking and surprising. However, seasoned students of the game will have been nodding their heads and putting two and two together as soon as they read the headline, because this sort of thing isn't actually that uncommon. Indeed, incidents like this are so numerous that they have even spawned their own catch-all term, and it is that two-word phrase which would have been front-and-center in the minds of Negrologists as they perused this sorry story.
That phrase is 'GHETTO LOBSTER' (or 'Lobsta/Lobstah' as per your preference).
Urban Dictionary defines it thus:
Ghetto Lobster
A baby who's been 'disciplined' with hot water (immersed in a pot of boiling water, for example) by someone with poor parenting skills attributed to an economically under-privileged upbringing.
That's no baby with a sunburn; that's a ghetto lobster.
It's one of those things which at first you'll dismiss as made up, or an internet meme gone out of control...that is until you see the rather numerous cases that back the theory up.
Let me put it to you this way: You know that black guy on 'Deadliest Catch'? Exactly...know what I'm saying?
Anyway, turns out Carlnelus was already a convicted murderer, so probably not the best person to leave looking after your child, all things considered.
I'm giving this a cumulative 10.0 on the Negronometer. Two good Negronomes combined with classic instance of TNB means that this is one for the ages.
TYNISHA
This isn't Tynisha, or Heimdall, for that matter. All will be explained...SOURCE:WAVY
Tynisha is the first victim of Marvel's politically-correct 'color blind casting' decision to have Idris Elba, a black man, portray the Norse God (yes, a black Norse God...ponder that one for a second) Heimdall, who is known as 'The White God'.
How ironic, eh? You'd almost think they'd done it by design rather than chance.
Anyway, anyone who is familiar with the bizarre lengths black people have gone to with the 'Weez beez Egypshuns n' sheeit' meme would have immediately realised that having black folk suddenly think 'Weez beez Norse Godz n' sheeit' was a disaster waiting to happen...only it ain't waiting no more.
No, Tynisha, no doubt convinced that she was a direct descendant of Thor himself, took it upon herself to attack her husband with a hammer. Why not a kitchen knife, baseball bat or good ol' fashioned 'gat', you ask? Simple...because of Marvel's mindlessly masturbatory multicultural movie morass that is Thor (how do you like those alliterative apples, Mr. Stan Lee?).
Alas, shortly after taking up her less-than-mythical Mjolnir against her babydaddy, she also attempted vehicular homicide on a cop with her car (in mythology, Thor generally uses a chariot pulled by two rams...say, I wonder if she drove a Dodge?) and was shot and killed.
No doubt her soul (if indeed she had one...many academics in the field of Negrology contest this supposition) was borne skyward by a throng of Valkyries unto the great halls of Asgard, where Tynisha may join the other brave fallen in the Wild Hunt. Indeed, no doubt if Snorri Sigurdsson was still amongst us, he would not doubt be adding her story to the epic poem that is the Havamal:
Tynisha be dead, yo
But she layeth not in the ground
Dat bitch got capped by five-oh
As she wuz just turnin' her life around
She din' do nothin'
Save with a hammer smite her buck's head
Vehicularhomicide-aphobic pigs be racist 'n sheeit
Dats why they shot her azz dead.
I'm giving Tynisha a 5.0 on the Negronometer...she's just another victim of the mass media practice of swopping out white characters by having them played by black actors. Next thing you know, we'll have a Wright Bros. biopic starring the Wayans brothers, and they'll all be going around thinking they invented the plane.
Shame on you Marvel and Hollywood. Her blood is on your hands.
Saturday 4 December 2010
SHAKERA SUNCELAREE and TYREK
Shakera Suncelaree
SOURCE:True Crime Report
Shakera is an interesting one. It might be pronounced 'Sha-CARE-AH', or it might be pronounced 'Sha-KEER-Ah', like that hip-wigglin' Colombian songbird.
Turns out that the name may not be the only thing she's adopted from Latin culture, as she didn't seem to have much objection to Tyrek and his pals using her 18 month old child as a pinata, and beating the crap out of it.
Nice.
As for her middle name, Suncelaree...what the hell is that about? Damned if I know.
Tyrek is another interesting one...could be a Negronomological 'spin' on 'Tariq' (such as Tariq Aziz, for example), but then again, it also puts me in mind of such legendary popular culture icons as Tim Russ' black Vulcan Tuvok, or the comic book (and subsequent video game) hero, Turok, a Native American who hunts dinosaurs.
Coming soon to a comic book store near you...it's TYREK: TODDLER PUNCHER!
Too bad Tyrek strikes me as being too dumb to enjoy a comic book, even if you removed the words. Still, no doubt being a baby beater will score him some massive rep when he starts his term at NU.
Here's hoping!
I'm giving these two a cumulative 4.5 on the Negronometer, just because their douchebaggery is so pronounced.
ANFERNEY and ANFERNEE
Anferney
Anfernee
SOURCE:True Crime Report
What's in a name? Anfernee is a multi-millionaire basketball player, whilst Anferney is a juvenile rapist. Maybe if Anferney had gone by a nickname like 'Penny', he would have stayed on the straight and narrow, or perhaps have gone on to become a professional basketball player himself, and therefore not a rapist, because we all know that professional basketball players are incapable of raping women.
Ain't that right, Kobe?
I'm giving both variations a 1.5 on the Negronometer...when a name is so lame that you would prefer to go by a girl's name (Penny, short for Penelope), it's just not going to carry much weight here at the Negronomicon.
Friday 3 December 2010
YOHAN and YAMANI
SOURCE:Evening Standard
'Yohan' isn't very good, just a quick phonetic alteration to the pre-existing Johan(nes), but 'Yamani' is a decent quality Negronome.
Turns out these Brothers In Arms, or more accurately, 'Brothas In Armed Robbery' aren't the brightest...posing with their ill-gotten loot and posting pics of it on the internet shockingly led to their arrest. Yes, armed robbery victims, 'Yamani' has got 'ya money'.
Fortunately, he's not going to need it, and neither is Yohan as they'll both be receiving full ride scholarships to NU, all meals and accomodation taken care of. Now how about that for a happy ending?
I'm giving Yohan and Yamani a cumulative 5.5, because that's all they're worth, even if they are the first entries into the 'Y' section of the Negronomicon.
ANDRAE JHAKOR SKI'RON
SOURCE:M Live
Okay, let me just say I was in two minds whether or not to include 'Andrae' as it is a lazy attempt at Negronomifying an existing name...you wouldn't even know it was different unless you saw it written down.
However, once we get past this initial disappointment, it's solid gold from here on out. Picture the scene:
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM of STARSHIP ENTERPRISE
ENSIGN BLOGGS: Most of the dignitaries have already beamed aboard Captain.
CAPTAIN SMITH: Who's left?
ENSIGN BLOGGS: Just the Triluvian Ambassador...he's beaming over now.
(Triluvian Ambassador materialises in Transporter Bay)
TRILUVIAN: I am Jhakor Ski'ron, Ambassador of Triluvia.
CAPTAIN SMITH: On behalf of the United Federation of Planets, I welcome you aboard
the Starship Enterprise.
TRILUVIAN: Yo, where da Vulcan women be at?
Andrae falls into the 'not to sharp, but fond of sharp objects category', and it looks like his penchant for stabbing people could earn him a scholarship place at NU, where sticking things inside people against their will is a daily occurence, especially in the showers. He should love it!
I'm giving him a 9.0...it would have been 10, but I had to knock a point off for 'Andrae', I'm afraid.
QUANTEZ DEVONTA and TRACEN
Quantez Devonta
Tracen (How cool would it have been if his middle name was 'Paper'?
SOURCE:Daily Mail
Two of the four goons involved in the Bobby Tillman murder, and an interesting insight into the concept of morality as per 'urban youths'.
Rather than hit a girl who had struck one of their group (see, it starts of okay...vaguely chivalrous, even), the gang of four instead decide to take out their pent up frustration on the next person they see, who happened to be a young fellow by the name of Bobby Tillman, and subsequently beat him to death.
If this isn't a stark illustration of that time-honoured proverb that 'the road to Hell is paved with good intentions', then I don't know what is. Clearly, the road to Hell is also any street or road where black folk congregate in large numbers.
I rest my case.
From a Negronomological perspective, we've got some real humdingers. 'Tracen' sounds like a bad hybrid of 'Tracey' and 'Jason', but 'Quantez Devonta' makes me wish that Scrabble would amend the rules to allow the use of Negronomes.
I'm giving them a cumulative 10.0 on the Negronometer (1.5 for Tracen, 8.5 for Quantez Devonta). Negronomologically gifted, logically and morally subnormal...what else is new?
DELVONTE
SOURCE:Daily Mail
Delvonte's story is certainly an unusual one...how often is that we have an inductee to the Negronomicon who doesn't have a police mugshot?
His body is found battered and bruised in somebody's yard, but because that yard is under a flight path, there's speculation he may have tried hitching a ride in the wheel well of a plane and fell out.
Or perhaps some people just beat him to death and dumped his body in the nearest yard.
Still, it's nice to see the Police adhere to Sherlock Holmes' old maxim that held 'When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth'.
Can the involvement of aliens be ruled out at this juncture? Who knows...still, if this freefall fatality theory does prove to have legs (or, more appropriately, wings), then I'm pretty sure Reverend Al and Jesse will be suing the airline and airport, and probably accusing gravity of being racist too.
For now, I'm giving Delvonte a 5.0 on the Negronometer.
DANROY
SOURCE:Now Public
'Danroy' sounds like a straightforward enough name, most likely a 'play it safe until we know who da babydaddy beez'-inspired moniker. It's just a shame that two fairly mundane names like Dan and Roy got stuck together...imagine if his parents had first consulted the Negronomicon and concocted a hybrid from the Negronomenclature listed within. Just imagine...Querronoszvontario, anybody? It would be even cooler if they decided to splice three or four different Negronomes together. The possibilities are endless!
However, one thing that isn't endless is life, and for some people the end comes quicker than it does for others. In Danroy's case, an attempted vehicular homicide on a cop was unfortunately foiled when said cop's partner decided to let bullets do the talking. In gangsta circles, I'd imagine killing a cop would have led to Danroy being a 'made man'. As it was, it just ended up with him being made good.
I'm giving Danroy a 1.5 on the Negronometer. At the end of the day it's just too mundane and lacking in that intrinsic creativity which all good Negronomes tend to have.
AMIRI
SOURCE: Orlando Sentinel
It's ironic...as I typed 'Amiri' into Google to look up the story, the suggestion that got offered was 'Amirite?', the concatenated bastardisation of 'Am I right?'.
Fact is, he's about as far from right as you could hope to be, which is to say he (and his accomplices) are just plain wrong.
As Negronomenclature goes, 'Amiri' is just so bland...the addition of a needless 'D' to make 'D'Amiri' could have made all the difference, but it was not to be. Still, it's relatively easy to spell, which I guess is a good thing as I'm not getting a 'rocket scientist' vibe off of him.
'Amiri' gets a 1.5 on the Negronometer. I dare say he'll get more when it comes to sentencing though.
Here's hoping.
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