SHAWNDEEIA

SOURCE: Huffington Post

'Shawndeeia' obviously means 'multi-tasker' in Ebonics, because today's entry managed to juggle texting while driving...with a baby in her lap!

Shawndeeia has a whole litany of other traffic offences to her name (or Negronomenclature), but sadly she won't be enriching the roads anytime soon, as she's holed up in the big house on a $131,000 bail, and you just know that ain't gonna get paid!

The keeds have been taken into care, which means the taxpayer is now paying to raise them, basically. No change there, then!

Shawndeeia gets a 7.5 on the Negronometer. It starts off kind of normal, then goes crazy at the end. It's the kind of name a ring announcer at a boxing or wrestling event could really go to town on.

DEQUAN & SHALONDA

SOURCE: Pitch

Facebook, eh? Now, thanks to the miracle of technology, Negroes who have never even met before can have 'beef' and 'diss' one another from anywhere in the world.

DeQuan took his cyber-beef offline, and killed a 16 year old girl whom he had been feuding with on Facebook.

NU is a lot like Facebook, as DeQuan will soon be finding out...lots of people wanting to be your 'friend' and 'poking' you. Good times.

I'm giving DeQuan a 5.0 on the Negronometer. It's good, but not great. Same goes for Shalonda...like Shaniqua, it's the factory rims of Negronomenclature. Must try harder!

MARKIESHA, ROCHETTA & SIERRA

SOURCE: Chicago Tribune

Let's do some simple math:

Negroes + Fast Food 'restaurant' = ?

a)Violence
b)TNB
c)Negronomenclature
d)All of the Above

If you guessed 'd', you passed.

Even amateur Negronomologists are aware that the combination of Negroes and Fast Food 'restaurants' goes together about as well as water and electricity...this is yet another example to add to the list.

First person to come out with a fast food franchise concept which revolves around the concept 'No Negroes Admitted' is going to be a rich man, I tell you.

Negronomologically, it's so-so. I'll give it a 6.5 on the Negronometer, nothing more.

SHARAY, TAYSHANA, TERIQUE & TYSHAWN

Tyshawn...he beez a good boy, he wuz jus' gettin' his life turned around, etc.

SOURCE: CBS Local New York

Wow...quality AND quantity! You can't argue with a combination like that!

Turns out this sorry story is just more of the same ol' TNB with guns, but the sheer volume of Negronomenclature means this is getting a 10.0 on the Negronometer. It's almost as if the presence of one Negronome inspires a wave of competitive Negronomenclature in the surrounding area, a sort of Negronomically-tinged version of 'keeping up with the Jones', whereby Negronomological oneupmanship is the order of the day.

STARQUINESHIA

SOURCE: Herald Tribune

I'm thinking of inventing a new machine, like a seismograph, only this machine would be called a 'Negronomograph'. Let me tell you, if I had one, it would be going off hard right about now!

This tragic tale has it all...'bakkaball', bull dykes and Negronomenclature of the highest order. Oh, and murder of course. People with names like 'Starquineshia' rarely go on to become rocket scientists, after all.

This one ranks as a 9.5 on the Negronometer. You only have to hear the name to know the owner is 'melanin enriched'. 'Quineshia' alone would be a perfectly good Negronome, but the pointless addition of 'Star' sends it shooting into the stratosphere, Negronomologically speaking.

LETRELL & SANTONIO

SOURCE:ABC Action News

By now, you must have seen the wild scenes which erupted as hordes of 'teens' and 'youths' tried to get their hands on a pair of the new Limited Edition Nike Air Jordan Concordes. Black people beez taking footwear seriously, even if it is made in some Vietnamese sweatshop by a barely-literate eight year old for the cost of a few cents.

Allegedly, the victim here stole shoes from her killers...sounds plausible to me. Other than the fact that they most likely would not have fit her, and that if she didn't steal them from the feet of her killers-to-be, she must have got them from somewhere else where there were probably more valuable items to be had, it strikes me as completely logical. Homeless people, are, of course, experts in valuable footwear, and know precisely which ones to steal for the most money.

Anyway, our two heroes dispensed justice by beating the woman to death. Way to go, guys! Hopefully a long spell at NU is in their futures, where nobody steals shoes because everyone has the same, prison-issue kicks.

I guess we should thank our lucky stars that Nike does not enter into a contract to supply limited edition 'Death Row' Air Jordans, otherwise we'll have an unprecedented wave of murders as 'youths' and 'teens' try to secure their very own pair of questionable sports shoes.

Negronomically speaking, Letrell is pretty average, but Santonio sounds like a condensed version of San Antonio...it's all kinds of stupid. That's why I'm giving these clowns a 6.5 on the Negronometer. Hope you like slip-ons boys, because there's no shoelaces where you're going!

TORONA LAMAR SHANITRA SHYTIA SHTENIQUA JAQUALA D'OBLEEK DeANGELO SHANTE MIELIELICIA D'AIRIEUS TYKEA DONTRAY UDELL & NAMOR

SOURCE:WREX

You know how Edward Woodward starts screaming 'Oh Christ!' in the original version of 'The Wicker Man' when he first sets eyes on it? Well, multiply that by 10 and you still wouldn't be getting close to the reaction I had when I dug up this gem of Negronomology.

It's the usual story, a Negro who beez a good boy/just getting his life turned around just so happens to find himself in the wrong place at the wrong time and is made good. In this particular incident, the wrong place was the pizza joint he and his three cohorts were trying to rob, and it was the wrong time because an off-duty cop happened to be in there at that exact same moment.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the above notice that the full Negronomological significance of the incident hit home.

Words literally fail me...there's even one called Namor, hopefully named after the sub-aquatic Marvel Comics superhero.

Unquestionably, this is a flat out 11.0 on the Negronometer. I honestly cannot see anyway in which this could possibly be topped...and yet every time I have felt that way in the past, I have inevitably been proven wrong. Surely I cannot be wrong this time? I mean, just look at some of the Negronomenclature on display here. It literally defies belief!

SHANIQUA SHUNTAY & LAKEISHA

SOURCE: My Fox DFW

'Teens Bludgeon Man To Death' screams the headline, but seasoned Negronomologists in our ranks already know that when the media starts talking about 'teens' and 'youths' doing something bad, they are inevitably talking about blacks. It's almost like a codeword.

Turns out these two charming 'ladies' (actions and appearances tend to suggest otherwise) bludgeoned a guy to death with a sledgehammer.

MC Hammer said 'Stop! Hammer Time!'...alas, methinks the criminal justice system will be saying 'Stop! Jail time!'. Couldn't have happened to two nicer people.

On the Negronomical side of things, it's a little dissapointing. Names like 'Shaniqua' and 'Lakeisha' are like the factory rims of Negronomenclature, and 'Shuntay' isn't a whole lot better. I can only give them a 1.5 on the Negronometer, unfortunately.

AQUADEA, DEBRIA, IVHAN'E and SHAMARRA

SOURCE: FOX8

Pesky neighborhood kids keep intruding upon your lawn, or bumping into your car? Don't chastise them or threaten to complain to their parents, just shoot the little bastards!

That's what Charles DuBose (above) did.

This has been a Public Service Announcement on behalf of the Black Community.


Moral of the story is: Keep off the grass, kids. Or get capped.

Negronomiconically, this one rates a solid 10.0 on the Negronometer...quality and quantity, with a side order of TNB to go. What's not to love?

ASHANTI, AALIYAH, CHAZMIA, DECORY and SHACARA

SOURCE: PIX 11

Nothing too fancy here...Shacara (above) got beat down by a gang of fellow Negronomenclatually-gifted females, with names like Decory (wtf?) and Chazmia (which for some reason make the word 'Chlamydia' pop into my head).

What raises this little spat above the level of your everyday TNB scenario is the weapon used to inflict the damage...a padlock wrapped in a sock and swung at the victim (henceforth known as the 'Lock 'n' Sock')...straight out of the penitentiary playbook

I really do have to get to work on that Negronomified version of Clue that I was planning, don't I?

Anyway, I'm giving this incident an 8.5 cumulative score on the Negronometer, as it has a good mix of quality and quantity.

KURTISHA, JAVEONI, SHIKIMI

SOURCE: JS Online

Epic tale here, certainly worthy of the newspaper's attention. There were struggles to overcome, adversity, challenges and moments of self-discovery, but in the end this talented bunch of scholars were able to defy the odds and give a little presentation in layman's terms.

You know, the kind of thing regular students do regularly without any great hoo-ha. It deserves to be made into a Hollywood movie...maybe they could call it "Droppin' Science" or something like that? Of course, it would need some stereotypical evil white racist character who tries to thwart their attempts at every turn, but I have faith that Hollywood can pull it off.

I'm surprised none of them have been shortlisted for the Nobel Prize as of yet. They may not have done that much by regular academic standards, but they've done more than Barack Obama did to get his.

SHMECO

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Shmeco? Schmucko more like it!

Shoplifting by hiding goods in the rolls of her body fat. Remember that the next time you see a morbidly obese black woman waddling around your local supermarket or department store.

How long before these heifers are being used to smuggle weapons into buildings or drugs into prison, if they ain't already?

Spare a thought for the poor police officer that had to search this fat beast. They deserve a medal.

Shmecko gets a 3.0 on the Negronometer. Dumb name, dumb person, disgusting M.O. You nasty!!!

SHEMICKA

SOURCE:Music & Mischief

As if there weren't already enough reasons to hate Mark Zuckerberg...turns out Shemicka done gon' an' 'shanked' her boo cuz he wouldn't let her peep his Facebook profile.

My question is this: If you're prepared to get stabbed so as to protect the privacy of your Facebook profile, just what the hell have you been doing on it that you don't want your 'gurlfren' to see, and just what imagined consequence do you imagine there being which is worse than getting stabbed?

The mind boggles. Or noggles.

So there you have it folks, Cyber-Muh-Dikin transmogrifies into an IRL shankin'...virtual reality be damned!

I'm giving Shemicka a 5.0 as it's just barely average as Negronomenclature goes, like 'Shaniqua' or 'Tamika'.

SPARKLING ANGEL

SOURCE:Click On Detroit

This hulking Hippopotamus-Heifer hybrid put a woman on life support because 'she gave her the wrong look'. All things considered, it's probably for the best that 'Sparkling Angel' didn't introduce herself to the woman in question...who here amongst us can honestly put their hand on their heart and say that they could keep a straight face when presented with a name like that, or suppress the desire to respond with a disbelieving 'For real?' or 'Really?'. Or 'Are you fucking kidding me?'

Very few, I'd wager. As to what constitutes a 'wrong look' (or even a 'right look', for that matter), that's a whole other discussion. Apparently, just looking at Blacks nowadays can be considered 'rayciss'...hopefully the mainstream media will soon cotton on to this idea and stop shoe-horning them into every movie and TV show, whether they should be there or not, like a Black Norse God, for example. It would be nice, but I seriously doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.

I'm giving Sparkling Angel an 8.5 on the Negronometer, because what it lacks in apostrophes, superfluous 'La/Da' prefixes, and faux-African flavour, it more than makes up for in outright balls-to-the-wall stupidity.

Here's hoping her victim makes a full recovery, and that this fat sheboon sow gets shanked in the showers at NU.

SHAKERA SUNCELAREE and TYREK

Shakera Suncelaree


SOURCE:True Crime Report

Shakera is an interesting one. It might be pronounced 'Sha-CARE-AH', or it might be pronounced 'Sha-KEER-Ah', like that hip-wigglin' Colombian songbird.

Turns out that the name may not be the only thing she's adopted from Latin culture, as she didn't seem to have much objection to Tyrek and his pals using her 18 month old child as a pinata, and beating the crap out of it.

Nice.

As for her middle name, Suncelaree...what the hell is that about? Damned if I know.

Tyrek is another interesting one...could be a Negronomological 'spin' on 'Tariq' (such as Tariq Aziz, for example), but then again, it also puts me in mind of such legendary popular culture icons as Tim Russ' black Vulcan Tuvok, or the comic book (and subsequent video game) hero, Turok, a Native American who hunts dinosaurs.

Coming soon to a comic book store near you...it's TYREK: TODDLER PUNCHER!

Too bad Tyrek strikes me as being too dumb to enjoy a comic book, even if you removed the words. Still, no doubt being a baby beater will score him some massive rep when he starts his term at NU.

Here's hoping!

I'm giving these two a cumulative 4.5 on the Negronometer, just because their douchebaggery is so pronounced.

ANDRAE JHAKOR SKI'RON

SOURCE:M Live

Okay, let me just say I was in two minds whether or not to include 'Andrae' as it is a lazy attempt at Negronomifying an existing name...you wouldn't even know it was different unless you saw it written down.

However, once we get past this initial disappointment, it's solid gold from here on out. Picture the scene:

INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM of STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

ENSIGN BLOGGS: Most of the dignitaries have already beamed aboard Captain.

CAPTAIN SMITH: Who's left?

ENSIGN BLOGGS: Just the Triluvian Ambassador...he's beaming over now.

(Triluvian Ambassador materialises in Transporter Bay)

TRILUVIAN: I am Jhakor Ski'ron, Ambassador of Triluvia.

CAPTAIN SMITH: On behalf of the United Federation of Planets, I welcome you aboard
the Starship Enterprise.

TRILUVIAN: Yo, where da Vulcan women be at?

Andrae falls into the 'not to sharp, but fond of sharp objects category', and it looks like his penchant for stabbing people could earn him a scholarship place at NU, where sticking things inside people against their will is a daily occurence, especially in the showers. He should love it!

I'm giving him a 9.0...it would have been 10, but I had to knock a point off for 'Andrae', I'm afraid.

MIKKA SHARDAI

SOURCE

Mikka tried to steal a ball from a wheelchair-bound disabled kid 10 years her junior, but when her demands of 'Gibs me dat!' were met with resistance, she resorted to violence, striking the kid on his surgically-attached neck halo and causing him immense pain.

You try and understand the thought process behind such an act, and then you realise that there is no thought process. It's just TNB.

You really can't make stuff like this up. Beating up kids in wheelchairs. That ball must have been totally worth it.

Here's hoping she gets a full-ride scholarship to NU.

Mikka gets a 4.0 on the Negronometer simply because it's kind of bland. It doesn't have the sort of 'out there' quality that the best Negronoms have in spades, no pun intended.

By the way, is it just me, or does she totally look like Ice Cube sans facial hair?

STEPHFON

SOURCE

Imagine if some crazy mad scientist invented a machine that Negronomified pre-existing names. If you put "Stephen" or "Stefan" into this hypothetical "Negronominizer" device, I'm pretty sure "Stephfon" is what would emerge. It's like that movie "The Fly", only with Negronomenclature as opposed to a fly.

As you can see, "Stephfon" wears glasses, which means he's an intellectual brotha, or at least likes to think that he is/appear that way. Sadly, if you read the report, you can see he's hardly rocket scientist material, but instead the sort of material scientists should put into a rocket and shoot off to some faraway planet away from the rest of humanity.

I'm giving "Stephfon" a 6.5 on the Negronometer simply for the pure needlessness of the Negronominalization. You've already got the "F" sound from the preceding "PH", so why add the utterly superfluous "F"? Simple...because you can!

SENECA

SOURCE

"Seneca" is apparently Native American in origin, but it was also the name of Roman Emperor Nero's tutor, around the time Christ walked the Earth. Now it's an African-American name too.

It's kind of ironic, not to mention downright spooky, that "Seneca" is off to jail because he murdered a lady who was Indian (dots not feathers...a tenuous connection, I know, but stick with it!), and did so by stabbing her in the back multiple times, which is the same way Roman Emperor Caesar got punked out. It seems those who skip history are doomed to repeat it...sort of.

"Seneca" is getting a 0.0 on the Negronometer because two cultures had already beaten his parents to it, and thus it's hardly a very inventive name. Plus stabbing a middle-aged woman in the back must be the ultimate bitch move.

From a purely Negronomological perspective, it's interesting to chart this new trend in Latin/Roman influenced names, what with "Seneca" here and previous Negronomicon standout "Octavius". How soon before I am writing an entry in The Big Black Book for someone called "D'Cimus Maxxximus"?

TELIA, SHARDAE, and SHOLONDA

This is the ELEVENTH guy they paternity tested to find out 'who beez ma baby daddy?'.

When you stop to think about it, it's pretty easy for the person in the street to figure out the rough date of conception to within a couple of days or so either side (let's be generous and say a week in total). Which then beggars the question as to exactly how many guys she was having unprotected sex with within that timeframe for there to be this many possible fathers?

"Telia" gets a 5.5 because she's a stank ho but she gave her babydaddy-less baby the pleasingly negronomical name "Shardae"

Of course, as shocking as this may seem, they have had a ho on the Maury show who tested 17 different guys.



Again, if 17 failed the test, that means she slept with at least 18 guys within the timeframe. "Sholonda" must have been banging multiple guys on the same day!

"Sholonda" gets a 4.0 because she named her babydaddy-less baby 'Kayla', which is far too mundane. Perhaps she thought a less negronomical name might help to prevent her her daughter from making the same mistakes she made? I sincerely doubt it...if you're that much of a failure as a human being, then it stands to reason you're not going to be much of a parent either.