LETRELL & SANTONIO

SOURCE:ABC Action News

By now, you must have seen the wild scenes which erupted as hordes of 'teens' and 'youths' tried to get their hands on a pair of the new Limited Edition Nike Air Jordan Concordes. Black people beez taking footwear seriously, even if it is made in some Vietnamese sweatshop by a barely-literate eight year old for the cost of a few cents.

Allegedly, the victim here stole shoes from her killers...sounds plausible to me. Other than the fact that they most likely would not have fit her, and that if she didn't steal them from the feet of her killers-to-be, she must have got them from somewhere else where there were probably more valuable items to be had, it strikes me as completely logical. Homeless people, are, of course, experts in valuable footwear, and know precisely which ones to steal for the most money.

Anyway, our two heroes dispensed justice by beating the woman to death. Way to go, guys! Hopefully a long spell at NU is in their futures, where nobody steals shoes because everyone has the same, prison-issue kicks.

I guess we should thank our lucky stars that Nike does not enter into a contract to supply limited edition 'Death Row' Air Jordans, otherwise we'll have an unprecedented wave of murders as 'youths' and 'teens' try to secure their very own pair of questionable sports shoes.

Negronomically speaking, Letrell is pretty average, but Santonio sounds like a condensed version of San Antonio...it's all kinds of stupid. That's why I'm giving these clowns a 6.5 on the Negronometer. Hope you like slip-ons boys, because there's no shoelaces where you're going!

JACQUETTA

SOURCE:Daily Mail

Yet more violence at the Wal-Mart (or 'WallMark', as they say in Ebonics) with a Negronomenclaturial twist. Jacquetta punched out a 70 year old female employee who had the temerity to ask to see her receipt.

Classy lady.

I'm giving her a 0.0 on the Negronometer. It's not a particularly negrified Negronome, but she makes it work. However, she is also clearly a violent, subhuman savage with an attitude problem, so no rating for her.

MARKESHIA, JASMAINE & NAKISHA

Markeshia

Jasmaine

Nakisha...fugly all day!

SOURCE: WZZM13

It's a hat-trick. A trifecta of turd world rejects busy enriching your local mall with that wonderful 'diversity'. No need to pepper spray the poor Loss Prevention lady though...exposing an armpit would probably have had the same effect.

Still, this case gives a real insight into the thought process (or complete lack thereof) in play here, specifically in regard to risk and reward. It takes a three person crew (with a possible fourth) to steal some items small enough to fit into a large purse.

Now, bear in mind 1) this is at Wal-Mart, which isn't the most high end store out there and 2) any small items of significant value will be kept locked away under glass. So just what the hell were they trying to steal that was so small and valuable that it needs a multi-person operation to pull it off (unsuccessfully)?

It's like the ghetto version of Ocean's Eleven, I guess.

Still, what they lack in smarts, they make up for in Negronomenclature. Jasmaine is pretty perfunctory Negronomification of the pre-existing 'Jasmine', only whereas Jasmine refers to something, Jasmaine means nothing. Thus, it is an archetypal Negronome in that regard. Nakisha is pretty much as middle-of-the-road as Negronomes get, but it is Markeshia which takes the prize for this round.

All told, it's a cumulative 8.5 on the Negronometer here. TNB and stupid names, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

TYA

SOURCE: MLive

Tya an' her boo beez havin' relationship difficulties n' sheeit. Normally, this would result in rows, slammed doors, someone moving out or sleeping on the couch, etc.

Except for the fact that here at The Negronomicon, we don't deal in 'normal', we deal in Negronomenclature. Ergo, this little domestic dispute ended up with them exchanging gunfire. Breakups can be rough, I guess.

Sadly, nobody was killed...I guess that's what happens when you insist on holding the gun sideways whilst trying to look all 'gangsta'.

Tya is getting a 1.5 on the Negronometer. It's a short and unimaginative Negronome, barely worthy of inclusion, but here merely for the sake of it.