DARRELLE, DEANDRE, MARQUIS, MONTRE & URIAH

SOURCE: News On 6

Like the songs says: 'I got five on it', and we have a full hand to play here at The Negronomicon.

These five bipedal turds carried out a home invasion wherein they murdered a 66 year old man. Not only did they outnumber their victim 5 to 1, but they also came armed too.

If JFK was still alive, I've no doubts he would mention them in a future volume of 'Profiles In Courage', such was their bravery. Too bad Oklahoma chooses to lock good men like Jerome Ersland up...he knew how to deal with feral scum like this. Put them down and take them out. Sadly, it is all too often the case that citizens must reap what their traitor politicians hath sown.

Negronomically, we're really looking at nickels and dimes here, a cumulative 5.0. Some of these Negronomes are just terminally unimaginative, like 'Darrelle', but I think all five would look a lot better carved into a headstone, or in an obituary column.

SHARAY, TAYSHANA, TERIQUE & TYSHAWN

Tyshawn...he beez a good boy, he wuz jus' gettin' his life turned around, etc.

SOURCE: CBS Local New York

Wow...quality AND quantity! You can't argue with a combination like that!

Turns out this sorry story is just more of the same ol' TNB with guns, but the sheer volume of Negronomenclature means this is getting a 10.0 on the Negronometer. It's almost as if the presence of one Negronome inspires a wave of competitive Negronomenclature in the surrounding area, a sort of Negronomically-tinged version of 'keeping up with the Jones', whereby Negronomological oneupmanship is the order of the day.

STARQUINESHIA

SOURCE: Herald Tribune

I'm thinking of inventing a new machine, like a seismograph, only this machine would be called a 'Negronomograph'. Let me tell you, if I had one, it would be going off hard right about now!

This tragic tale has it all...'bakkaball', bull dykes and Negronomenclature of the highest order. Oh, and murder of course. People with names like 'Starquineshia' rarely go on to become rocket scientists, after all.

This one ranks as a 9.5 on the Negronometer. You only have to hear the name to know the owner is 'melanin enriched'. 'Quineshia' alone would be a perfectly good Negronome, but the pointless addition of 'Star' sends it shooting into the stratosphere, Negronomologically speaking.

VERNELL

SOURCE: Riverfront Times

Vernell looks to be yet another uniquely-monikered beneficiary of a full ride scholarship to NU. He done stabbed his woman over two dozen times, cut her up, then dumped her body in a bin and glued it shut. Unsurprisingly, his crime was quickly discovered, and Vernell was spotted on a security camera buying the bin and glue at 'Wall Mark' (or 'Wal-Mart', for those of you unfamiliar with Ebonics).

Obviously, forward planning, like anger management and impulse control, is not his strong suit.

Vernell gets a mere 2.0 on the Negronometer...it just have that quality which raisess it above the mundane.

Word is Vernell could get the lethal injection...is that some new-fangled euphemism for some good ol' fashioned man-on-man jailhouse lovin', or what?

TYREE

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Tyree murdered a homeless guy with an axe, then proceeded to eat his brain and eyeball.

I'm guessing the local KFC/Popeye's/Church's must have been closed?

Disappointingly, the eyeball apparently tasted like an oyster, thus ruining the slew of 'tastes like chicken' cannibal jokes I was preparing to unleash upon this article.

Whilst the crime itself is shocking, the Negronomenclature is pretty much bog-standard, thus it only merits a 2.0 on the Negronometer.

THABERI

SOURCE: The Sun

Thaberi likes to punch pregnant women in the stomach whilst robbing them. This is the sort of wonderful diversity that is enriching towns up and down the UK. What a shame nobody punched Thaberi's mother in the stomach while she was pregnant...who knows, perhaps someone did, and that's why he's the way he is. However, we here at the Negronomicon know better...he is the way heis because he is the way he is. Negronomenclature and TNB go hand in hand.

I'm giving Thaberi a -10.0 on the Negronometer. Vermin, nothing more, nothing less.

JAKADRIEN and JOHNESSA

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Can't understand why people are so shocked about this story. I mean, if YOU were lumbered with a moniker like 'Jakadrien', and had to live within the African-American 'community', wouldn't you choose to change your name and emigrate? Of course you would...even black people don't want to live with black people.

Jakadrien stayed true to her roots by lying and playing the system to get her free flight to her dream destination of....Bogota, Colombia. Go figure. I guess a Third World country ravaged by drugs and violence would be considered a step up when compared to your average 'hood.

Her mother Johnessa (no mention of her father in the article...hmmmm) is dumbfounded. Given that Jakadrien is now apparently pregnant, perhaps she thought that putting some geographical distance between her family and herself would serve to break the hereditary curse of Negronomenclature, which evidently runs strong in this family. If Jakadrien is successfully deported back to the States to have her baby, I'm predicting another entry in the Negronomicon under 'J'.

This one gets an 8.0 on the Negronometer.