RODTRAVIS DONTA & REXDRIQUEZ CORTEZ

Rodtravis

Rexdriquez


SOURCE(via Chicago Avenger at Chimpout)

"Rodtravis" strikes me as another "covering all the babbydaddy bases" name. If this trend isn't stamped out soon, we will see Negronomes the length of telephone directories...think about those sows that go on Maury and have to test 20 guys (all of whom they are '250,000% sure' is da babbydaddy), and imagine poor Maury having to try and remember the name of their spawn when it's called "LaTreshawnomarionunezsvontariovarianookiedawgthatguyifuckedatdamariospartylastweekeyonte".

The again, maybe they couldn't decide between the two names and decided to conjoin them, rather than having one or both as a middle name, as that would be too logical.
Instead, he got "Donta" as a middle name.

"Rodtravis" gets a 5.0 on the Negronometer...it's just too perfunctory and obvious.

"Rexdriquez", on the other hand, is a Scrabble player's dream. What kind of a score could you get for that (if it was in fact a real word)? The middle name of "Cortez" leads me to believe "Rexdriquez"'s momma had eaten Mexican food shortly prior to his birth (possibly as an aid to passing him?) and this was thus reflected in his name. If we can just find a Negress called "LaTacoBelle Jefferson" or some such, I feel my theory will have been partially proven.

I'm giving "Rexdriquez" a 5.5, just for the inherent stupidity value.

JAKARIS, AVION & MASTERSON

SOURCE

'Jakaris' just gone and got himself a lifetime full-ride scholarship to NU, majoring in Applied Negritude. He's going to 'held back a year' every year, for the rest of his life, until he is made 'good'.

I'm not a mathematician or economics buff, but surely it would be cheaper just to have Jakaris and his pals made 'good' straight away?

'Jakaris' can have a 5.5 on the Negronometer. It does the job, but not much more.

'Avion' is French for 'Aeroplane', which is ironic, because 'Avion' himself sung like a bird and got his homies those all-important NU scholarships. Seems like he was more interested in walking than flying, and thus embraced the stoolie mantra 'those who talk, walk'.

'Avion' gets a 5.5 too...the addition of a D or L with an apostrophe could have made all the difference.

Finally, we have 'Masterson', who be da 'babydaddy' of one of these fine young NU freshman. Reading his testimony to the court, one gains a startling new insight into the 'absent negro father' phenomenon and the logic behind it.

'Masterson' asserts he left his kids because he was doing crack cocaine at the time and didn't want them to be around him (cynics may suggest it was in fact the exact opposite...he just didn't want to be around them) or be a bad influece on them.

It's an interesting sociological hypothesis...deprived of a Negro role model from which to learn behaviors from, will Negroes be more or less inclined to Negritude or 'TNB'?

Well, if you believe that taking a baby fox away from parental influence and putting it in a hen house will result in it clucking, pecking grain and laying eggs, then yes.

If, on the other hand, you believe the fox will revert to type and you will have a whole bunch of dead chickens, then the answer is a resounding 'No!'.

Unfortunately, despite ample evidence to the contrary, the 'Masterson Poindexter Theory' is still embraced by various liberals around the globe.

'Masterson' gets a 6.5 on the Negronometer. It's not a particular outstanding example, but the fact that his name is attached to one of the key theorems of Negronomology makes it significant.

MIKKA SHARDAI

SOURCE

Mikka tried to steal a ball from a wheelchair-bound disabled kid 10 years her junior, but when her demands of 'Gibs me dat!' were met with resistance, she resorted to violence, striking the kid on his surgically-attached neck halo and causing him immense pain.

You try and understand the thought process behind such an act, and then you realise that there is no thought process. It's just TNB.

You really can't make stuff like this up. Beating up kids in wheelchairs. That ball must have been totally worth it.

Here's hoping she gets a full-ride scholarship to NU.

Mikka gets a 4.0 on the Negronometer simply because it's kind of bland. It doesn't have the sort of 'out there' quality that the best Negronoms have in spades, no pun intended.

By the way, is it just me, or does she totally look like Ice Cube sans facial hair?

KEYON and KANYE

SOURCE

Wow, what a week. Not only does the Negronomicon get to make our first ever entry under 'K', but we get a double-banger with two noteworthy Negronoms beginning with 'K' popping up within days of each other!

First up is "Keyon", whose not so much a career criminal (if my studies in the field of Negronomology have taught me anything, it's that careers and Negronomenclature don't mix) as he is a serial screw-up.

Being out on parole, you'd think "Keyon" would want to play it cool and keep a low profile, stay out of trouble, stuff like that, but alas he was unable to resist the temptation to shoot a 5 year old little girl in the face. Stuff like that tends to get picked up on by the authorities, apparently.

Good luck to his attorney, but I really think he's going to be spitting in the wind on this one.

His full name is an anagram of "I'm Monkey Snot", by the way, which is appropriate on so many levels that it is uncanny.

As it is, "Keyon" is getting a 5.5 on the Negronometer, purely because it's a pretty average Negronome when all is said and done but I have to give him a bonus point for the anagram value alone.




Next up is "Kanye". I'd call "Kanye" a complete and utter tool, but that would be untrue as tools actually serve some useful purpose. As you may have guessed, "Kanye" is a huge fan of the movie "Alien Nation".



Oddly enough, Viacom have pulled both his most recent display of idiocy with Taylor Swift AND his previous interruption of the EMAs in Denmark off of Youtube. Why don't they want the world to see what a moron "Kanye" is? Why are they protecting him?


"Gibs Me Dat!"


Fortunately, they don't own the copyright to THIS footage from the EMAs. Enjoy!



Oddly enough, he's never pulled this stunt when a black artist wins an award. Or an artist that would present a physical threat to him. Just on video directors and 19 year old girls. He's straight gangsta, yo!

Actually, on second thoughts, he's just gangsta...I'm not so sure about the straight. The jury has got to be well and truly out on any guy who dates "women" that make Caster Semanya look feminine. Even his name is African-Americanese for "Gay Fish".



I'm going to have to give "Kanye" a 11.0, because we all know how badly he takes losing out to others, even if they are more deserving. Pea-brained twerp probably thinks that 'Magnanimous' is that guy the X-Men are always fighting against.

DEANGELO

SOURCE

Do I actually need to say anything here? "Deangelo" is a fairly common Negronom, and it's disappointing to see that his mother couldn't be bothered to go the extra mile and 'Pull a LeVar' or add a needless apostrophe.

Still, the picture alone is worth a thousand words, plus the combination of mental retardation (just look at the picture!) and latent homicidal impulses it takes to shoot your baseball coach for benching you all adds up to a healthy 7.0 on the trusty Negronometer.

Just look at that picture. Damn.

STEPHFON

SOURCE

Imagine if some crazy mad scientist invented a machine that Negronomified pre-existing names. If you put "Stephen" or "Stefan" into this hypothetical "Negronominizer" device, I'm pretty sure "Stephfon" is what would emerge. It's like that movie "The Fly", only with Negronomenclature as opposed to a fly.

As you can see, "Stephfon" wears glasses, which means he's an intellectual brotha, or at least likes to think that he is/appear that way. Sadly, if you read the report, you can see he's hardly rocket scientist material, but instead the sort of material scientists should put into a rocket and shoot off to some faraway planet away from the rest of humanity.

I'm giving "Stephfon" a 6.5 on the Negronometer simply for the pure needlessness of the Negronominalization. You've already got the "F" sound from the preceding "PH", so why add the utterly superfluous "F"? Simple...because you can!

LEGARRETTE

"LeGarrette" shows all the hallmarks of cutting-edge Negronomographic invention. Take a perfectly good, pre-existing whitebread name like "Garrett", add a superfluous "Le", then "Pull a LeVar" with the arbitrary capitalization, then round it all off by adding a completely needless "E" to the end, just to make it that little bit more distinctive.



It's hard to say exactly what "LeGarette" is African-Americanese for...there are so many things it could apply to, like being a bad loser, being a sucker punching little faggot, or throwing a Category 5 Chimpout at the opposing fans. Or, as was the case with our "LeGarrette", all three at once!

I'm clocking "LeGarrette" at a solid 5.0 on the Negronometer. I had to dock points because his middle name is "Montez".