VOLLIE

SOURCE: Arlington Cardinal Vollie beez dead, yo. He stole a car and crashed it, and somehow managed to separate his head from the rest of his body. According to the news report, the head was left lying on the sidewalk uncovered for five hours...guess it must have taken a while to notice it in the dark. Vollie gets a 1.5 on the Negronometer. Just lacks any of that real creativity needed to propel it into the big leagues.

SHAWNDEEIA

SOURCE: Huffington Post

'Shawndeeia' obviously means 'multi-tasker' in Ebonics, because today's entry managed to juggle texting while driving...with a baby in her lap!

Shawndeeia has a whole litany of other traffic offences to her name (or Negronomenclature), but sadly she won't be enriching the roads anytime soon, as she's holed up in the big house on a $131,000 bail, and you just know that ain't gonna get paid!

The keeds have been taken into care, which means the taxpayer is now paying to raise them, basically. No change there, then!

Shawndeeia gets a 7.5 on the Negronometer. It starts off kind of normal, then goes crazy at the end. It's the kind of name a ring announcer at a boxing or wrestling event could really go to town on.

ANITRA

SOURCE: CBS Local Atlanta

Not much to say about this one, other than sometimes, life imitates art.

The Hypothesis:

The proof:

Patricia Hicks, mother of 18-year-old Anitra Hicks, tells WTOC-TV that her daughter thought she was having a bowel movement when she was actually giving birth in the bathroom.

A. Wyatt Mann is clearly some sort of prophet, communicating through the medium of images.

Anitra is only getting a 0.5 on the Negronometer. A distinct lack of effort went into this one.

PS: To any female readers who might be suffering from the same condition as Anitra, let me just say that if you are unable distinguish between your pussy and your asshole, then might I respectfully suggest that your feminine hygiene routine might be slightly less than adequate.

DEQUAN & SHALONDA

SOURCE: Pitch

Facebook, eh? Now, thanks to the miracle of technology, Negroes who have never even met before can have 'beef' and 'diss' one another from anywhere in the world.

DeQuan took his cyber-beef offline, and killed a 16 year old girl whom he had been feuding with on Facebook.

NU is a lot like Facebook, as DeQuan will soon be finding out...lots of people wanting to be your 'friend' and 'poking' you. Good times.

I'm giving DeQuan a 5.0 on the Negronometer. It's good, but not great. Same goes for Shalonda...like Shaniqua, it's the factory rims of Negronomenclature. Must try harder!

DOLLKEITH

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Negroes hate cats. Remember previous Negronomicon stars Cheyenne and Lordtyshon?

Well now we can add Dollkeith to that hallowed list too.

I'm giving Dollkeith a 9.0 on the Negronometer...the instant you hear it, you immediately think to yourself 'What a fucking stupid name', and by golly you would be right too!

JAYLAN

SOURCE: South East Texas Today

Okay man, here's the deal. You've done the crime, now the pigs are sniffing around you. All they know is that you were an acquaintance of the victim, they just want a statement. All you have to do is play it cool, and not give them any reason to suspect you're the killer.

So what do you do?

During the interview Williams became irate and attacked the Detective. Williams was restrained and arrested for Assault on a Peace Officer.

Now they beez jailin' Jaylan for a looooooong time.

Jaylan gets a 2.5 on the Negronometer, and I tend to suspect he would score about the same on an IQ test too.

JERARD

Jerard (R) with his partner in crime

SOURCE: Fox 23

Oklahoma again, eh? I've said it once, I've said it twice, and so help me I'll say it a third time too: They should never have locked Jerome Ersland up.
Now it appears they are reaping the consequences.

Jerard will likely be getting a full ride scholarship at NU for his part in the murder of two students.

I'm only giving him a 0.5 on the Negronometer, as 'Jerard' is just plain lazy Negronomenclature.

KEONA

SOURCE: Examiner

Keona beez dead, and by dead I mean DEAD.

How dead, you ask?

Johnson was riddled with knife wounds: eight in the front, 40 in the back, 17 in the left arm, 28 in the right arm, and 12 to the neck. The 106th wound was a deep bite mark in the right arm near the wrist.

Like I say: DEAD.

Negronomologically speaking, Keona is only getting a 2.0 on the Negronometer...it just doesn't have that extra bit of razzle-dazzle required to propel it into the big leagues.

LAKESHA & RAJAHNTHON

SOURCE: Baltimore Sun

Lakesha had already had 4 children taken away from her by Social Services, yet they chose to leave her with her fifth. Now baby Rajahnthon is dead.

People like this should be spayed. End of story.

Negronomologically, I'm giving it a 10.0...Rajahnthon's name shall live on amongst the pages of the Negronomicon for all eternity, though I must say I'm now kinda curious to find out what the other four kids were called.

LAMARCUS

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Self-fulfilling prophecy:

Negro goes to court wearing sagging pants. Sagging pants originated in prison, because belts are confiscated, plus it makes for easy access when it comes time for some jailhouse lovin', a.k.a. 'buying a pack of cigarettes'.

Irate judge sends Negro to prison. Negro now has legitimate reason for sagging pants.

Alanis Morissette is probably writing a song about this right about now.

Lamarcus gets a 1.5 on the Negronometer, but a 11.0 for irony.

MARKIESHA, ROCHETTA & SIERRA

SOURCE: Chicago Tribune

Let's do some simple math:

Negroes + Fast Food 'restaurant' = ?

a)Violence
b)TNB
c)Negronomenclature
d)All of the Above

If you guessed 'd', you passed.

Even amateur Negronomologists are aware that the combination of Negroes and Fast Food 'restaurants' goes together about as well as water and electricity...this is yet another example to add to the list.

First person to come out with a fast food franchise concept which revolves around the concept 'No Negroes Admitted' is going to be a rich man, I tell you.

Negronomologically, it's so-so. I'll give it a 6.5 on the Negronometer, nothing more.

DARRELLE, DEANDRE, MARQUIS, MONTRE & URIAH

SOURCE: News On 6

Like the songs says: 'I got five on it', and we have a full hand to play here at The Negronomicon.

These five bipedal turds carried out a home invasion wherein they murdered a 66 year old man. Not only did they outnumber their victim 5 to 1, but they also came armed too.

If JFK was still alive, I've no doubts he would mention them in a future volume of 'Profiles In Courage', such was their bravery. Too bad Oklahoma chooses to lock good men like Jerome Ersland up...he knew how to deal with feral scum like this. Put them down and take them out. Sadly, it is all too often the case that citizens must reap what their traitor politicians hath sown.

Negronomically, we're really looking at nickels and dimes here, a cumulative 5.0. Some of these Negronomes are just terminally unimaginative, like 'Darrelle', but I think all five would look a lot better carved into a headstone, or in an obituary column.

SHARAY, TAYSHANA, TERIQUE & TYSHAWN

Tyshawn...he beez a good boy, he wuz jus' gettin' his life turned around, etc.

SOURCE: CBS Local New York

Wow...quality AND quantity! You can't argue with a combination like that!

Turns out this sorry story is just more of the same ol' TNB with guns, but the sheer volume of Negronomenclature means this is getting a 10.0 on the Negronometer. It's almost as if the presence of one Negronome inspires a wave of competitive Negronomenclature in the surrounding area, a sort of Negronomically-tinged version of 'keeping up with the Jones', whereby Negronomological oneupmanship is the order of the day.

STARQUINESHIA

SOURCE: Herald Tribune

I'm thinking of inventing a new machine, like a seismograph, only this machine would be called a 'Negronomograph'. Let me tell you, if I had one, it would be going off hard right about now!

This tragic tale has it all...'bakkaball', bull dykes and Negronomenclature of the highest order. Oh, and murder of course. People with names like 'Starquineshia' rarely go on to become rocket scientists, after all.

This one ranks as a 9.5 on the Negronometer. You only have to hear the name to know the owner is 'melanin enriched'. 'Quineshia' alone would be a perfectly good Negronome, but the pointless addition of 'Star' sends it shooting into the stratosphere, Negronomologically speaking.

VERNELL

SOURCE: Riverfront Times

Vernell looks to be yet another uniquely-monikered beneficiary of a full ride scholarship to NU. He done stabbed his woman over two dozen times, cut her up, then dumped her body in a bin and glued it shut. Unsurprisingly, his crime was quickly discovered, and Vernell was spotted on a security camera buying the bin and glue at 'Wall Mark' (or 'Wal-Mart', for those of you unfamiliar with Ebonics).

Obviously, forward planning, like anger management and impulse control, is not his strong suit.

Vernell gets a mere 2.0 on the Negronometer...it just have that quality which raisess it above the mundane.

Word is Vernell could get the lethal injection...is that some new-fangled euphemism for some good ol' fashioned man-on-man jailhouse lovin', or what?

TYREE

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Tyree murdered a homeless guy with an axe, then proceeded to eat his brain and eyeball.

I'm guessing the local KFC/Popeye's/Church's must have been closed?

Disappointingly, the eyeball apparently tasted like an oyster, thus ruining the slew of 'tastes like chicken' cannibal jokes I was preparing to unleash upon this article.

Whilst the crime itself is shocking, the Negronomenclature is pretty much bog-standard, thus it only merits a 2.0 on the Negronometer.

THABERI

SOURCE: The Sun

Thaberi likes to punch pregnant women in the stomach whilst robbing them. This is the sort of wonderful diversity that is enriching towns up and down the UK. What a shame nobody punched Thaberi's mother in the stomach while she was pregnant...who knows, perhaps someone did, and that's why he's the way he is. However, we here at the Negronomicon know better...he is the way heis because he is the way he is. Negronomenclature and TNB go hand in hand.

I'm giving Thaberi a -10.0 on the Negronometer. Vermin, nothing more, nothing less.

JAKADRIEN and JOHNESSA

SOURCE: Daily Mail

Can't understand why people are so shocked about this story. I mean, if YOU were lumbered with a moniker like 'Jakadrien', and had to live within the African-American 'community', wouldn't you choose to change your name and emigrate? Of course you would...even black people don't want to live with black people.

Jakadrien stayed true to her roots by lying and playing the system to get her free flight to her dream destination of....Bogota, Colombia. Go figure. I guess a Third World country ravaged by drugs and violence would be considered a step up when compared to your average 'hood.

Her mother Johnessa (no mention of her father in the article...hmmmm) is dumbfounded. Given that Jakadrien is now apparently pregnant, perhaps she thought that putting some geographical distance between her family and herself would serve to break the hereditary curse of Negronomenclature, which evidently runs strong in this family. If Jakadrien is successfully deported back to the States to have her baby, I'm predicting another entry in the Negronomicon under 'J'.

This one gets an 8.0 on the Negronometer.

THURMAN

SOURCE: Phoenix New Times

"And they called it puppy love...Oh, I guess they'll never know"

The TNB just keeps on coming. This one is so rich that even dingbat leftist-liberal news sources found it hard to resist.

Thurman is a guy who doesn't do things by half measures...having pulled his johnson out (Strike one: Indecent Exposure), he then proceeds to attempt to forcibly throatfuck a puppy (Thus racking up bestiality and sexual indecency with an animal charges). Not content with this, Thurman goes in for the coup de grace by telling a nearby nine year old child watching the spectacle that '"[I'm going to] do this to you" if the kid didn't stop staring at him.'

Truly a winner. Not so much on the Negronometer, which is only giving him a 2.0, but definitely the sort of guy you'd want to have enriching your community and adding diversity to it. I'd bet the folks over at the Phoenix New Times would rather a hundred Thurman McGriffs living permanently in their community than Sheriff Joe Arpaio or a visiting David Irving. Strange.

LADMARALD

SOURCE: WISN

"You know what I am? I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare, man. I'm a nigger with a badge" -Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) in '48 Hrs.'

Back in the day, the police used to protect women from rapists. Now, thanks to 'progress' and 'diversity', the police are the rapists. It's 'Muh Dik!' in uniform.

Ladmarald (or is it 'Lamarald'? Sources differ) beez the cop who 'got it twisted' and mistook 'Protect And Serve' for 'Subject To Perve'.

Criminal behavior aside, hows about that Negronomenclature? It's a giveaway alright. Perhaps in the future, when frightened young women make 911 calls, they will be allowed to ask the names of the officers who will be attending?

'What's that, ma'am? An armed lunatic in your house threatening to kill you? Well ma'am Officer Seamus O'Reilly is about 20 minutes from your location, or we have Officer De'shwaunteezius Jefferson who is 5 minutes away.

You'd prefer to wait for Officer O'Reilly? Okay, ma'am.'

Ladmarald gets a 8.0 on the Negronometer.

DEZHUAN and DERRIN

SOURCE: CBS News

Now, this might seem like going out on a limb here, but I'm adding these two WITHOUT having seen mugshots.

I'm sure the more delusionally liberal amongst our readership will doubtlessly be outraged by this...after all, the news report makes no mention of any of the suspects being black...yet I feel confident enough to it.

Why, you may ask? Simple. I am a qualified Negronomolgist, and as such can spot Negronomenclature from a mile off. When you couple the presence of Negronomenclature with the other factors (location, use of the media codewords 'teens' and 'youths', and the TNB that took place) it is absolutely certain that these perps are in fact black.

I'm not psychic, I don't have an inside man down at the local police precinct, but I am a qualified Negronomologist and a race realist. Believe me when I tell you that Negronomology is poised to become THE hot crime-prevention science of the next few decades...it will make that Pre-Crime jazz in 'Minority Report' look Stone Age by comparison. Remember, you heard it here first.

I'm giving these two doofuses a perfect 10.0 on the Negronometer, because these names do exactly what a good Negronom should do, namely alert the reader/listener to Negroes without the need for visual confirmation.

If I'm wrong on this, I'll happily eat my hat...but let's face it, I'm not wrong, am I?

Pictures to follow as and when they become available.